HEY

2009-09-04T05:28:00.000-07:00

So this is how love works. I grows in you and the two become one. That's when life becomes incomplete without the other half.

4th sept 2008 is the day we met

It's been a year from then and this one year changed my life completely. You grown in me in such a way i can't refuse and i love it. There are so many habits i adopted without realising it and habit dies hard.

You are my baby and you'll always be my baby. When i think of you it wasn't "Christina" but " Baby" that came to my mind. Really, you're always the first person that comes to my mind. Whenever i see something interesting or it caught my attention, i can always picture how it would be like if you're here and how our conversation will be like. It feels like i'm dating with myself.

If i stayed on in hk, i wouldn't be going through all this pain and jealousy but that also meant i'll never know how much you are to me and i will never be happy cos my happiness is you.

So i'm glad i am back in sg now, going on a whole new path. You keeps me going, you're my motivation, you are my goal. Our future is my goal.

2009-08-26T05:33:00.000-07:00

I miss you at home..
You staying over so that i can hug you to sleep
You will be reading the comic book when i finish bathing
You always ask if it's ok if you don't bath and i'll always check you thoroughly.
You'll get tired so fast while massaging me
You'll hide in the room whenever my brother or mother's at home cos you're scared of them
You by my side brushing teeth together with me in the morning just like married couple

I miss you at Lex's house..
You getting angry while sleeping cos i didn't hug you enough
You will always stay in bed and make me bring in food for you
You sitting on my right at the dining table always
You will always call me "fat" whenever i cook noodles late night but you'll eat too
We will always require you to explain some things to yanti cos you know malay?

I miss you at your house..
That one time stayover that we slept on the same bed eventually but rolled down to the floor first thing in the morning cos your mum's coming in anytime soon
The time that i wanted to bake a cake with you for mel but you baked 80% of it already
We spent our 1st and 5th month at the rooftop and my birthday bbq.

I miss you at gardens..
The house that we always took ideas from for our future house
Outside macs where we recorded that "Mega Mc spicy only want the patty".
Where we settled our first huge row over dinner at that indian stall.
Where we saw this couple who looked like they just moved in and heading out for dinner after painting the house? That's we said that's how we will be like in a few years' time?

I miss you..
I miss your thin fingers between mine
That smile that will always make me laugh
The way you call me "Baby ar" whenever i say/do something stupid
How your hug feels like
The thickness of your lips
How you will always screw my head whenever i said "Ya" in the korean way
You'll frown like Jayme
The way you act like a bimbo
The way you'll pat me to sleep
The way you always confuse those ants with your cigarette
Tuesday night C.S.I Miami and Citybeat and everynight Yu le bai fen bai's repeat.

I miss..
Trying all ways to make you miss the last bus home so that you can stay with me longer
I love how i will never get sick of seeing you
How every outing with you is like the best day ever
Having you in my arms the whole day, just cuddling in bed
How great it is to have you coming down to my work place to wait for me, it's just like i'm the luckiest human being.
How you'll take care of me when i get drank
All the talks and craps we shared
How i always say you're the best wife for me

I love you..
You are the only one whom i can love like that. We were going well in the past despite being broke all the time. You stood by me all the way. I really hate myself for making the decision to go back to hongkong. I used to think and pity myself that i have to deal with everything on my own over there and i have noone to cry on. I had never placed myself in your shoe that you have to go through everything on your own too. That you have to face everything with the picture of me. Now that i am back, i know exactly what you mean. It really hurts not to have you to complete the picture.

You're so far away now. I don't even know what are you thinking and that hurts, really hurts. To know that a bung and a guy is so close to you that they know so much more than i do. I'm like such a normal friend to you or even worse than that. My heart really hurts.

After seeing you that day, all my emotions starts pouring out. The urge to hug you and kiss you just like before is so strong. Just like how we were like. Can we please start over again? Please don't be so cold to me, i really can't take it.

I will really work hard and provide a better living. I learned my lesson in hk. I will really get a stable job and work very hard. Habits like laziness and all i will change, whatever that will affect our future i will change. My temper and stubborn-ness i will change too, i know you put up with that alot and it's not being fair to you.

You are right, i was a childish and insensitive moron to say all those hurtful stuff in my blog about you. Just because i was angry so i allowed my emotion to lead me. Why didn't i think about the other time that you took out that post for me cos i told you i was hurt and you did that right away? I am gonna kick off this habit, i want to think more for you from now on. I want to be sensitive to all your needs and make the best effort to give you what you need.

Please don't block me out? Please? I love you alot and i swear this time's gonna be different. Give me another chance? This few days has been like hell for me. Being totally not involved in your life is killing me. I cna't stand being so far away from you. If this is my punishment for my mistake, i learned my lesson. Can it stop already? Forgive me christina, please. I beg you, please!!

2009-08-07T01:46:00.000-07:00

Gosh i really miss sg.. I miss all my friends there and i can't wait to be myself once again. People here are all concious about image and stuff, not that it's bad. But friends who know me should know what i'm saying, i am so loud and jumpy. Now i have to tone down and act cool and try to stand out all the time. It's really tiring, but yet at the same time, i will not be notice if i just be who i am. I am turning concious too.

I looked at LKM's facebook today and i realised how great it is to be in sg, that all you have to do is to put on a more decent shirt or something and you're good. A tee and shorts and you're ok. But here, walau eh. Everything damn detailed all, hair... You know i don't bother about my hair right, but now everyday must style..

Talk to girls cannot laugh too happily, but keep the stern and cool image. Cannot even be too nice to girls or they won't like you. They like Bs that are players. Weird right? Weird.

Thank god Kabe grew up in canada so she's different from them. I hope we work out well =]

2009-07-22T02:45:00.000-07:00

Coming back to hk is really much complicating than everything seems to be. First it's about the job and a place to stay, never thought about human relationships plays such a huge factor.

It's like, my grandparents always plays a very mercy and understanding role in my memory, not that they are not, but really much lesser than i thought they were. I never knew explaining something to make them understand can be that difficult. I'm still young, you think going to work and staying at home is all what my life's gonna be? It's not gonna happen.

Really, communicating and living with them is really... I don't quite know how to describe that kind of feelings. Yeah my brother's gonna say when he live with them nothing of such happened and he ill never make them worry and yada yada yada. But you know what? I am no you, i am different from any other one in the family. Not that i am bad, i just can't be tied down, i need lots of freedom. Yeah you had never really scolded me or stuff but the things you said and all is enough to say everything.

If it isn't for my mum that i wanna protect from them, i never had to be like this. I would had just walked off and seriously care about a single shit about them. And i shall emphasize that I DON'T HATE THEM AND THEY ARE NOT BAD GUYS. Just that they are different from the way i thought they are and those are enough to suffocate me.

Moving out may be still out of my ability and far fetch, but i really have to do so. It's tough, it's not just like going to somebody;s house. I don't know man. I just wanna stay away. I am never the best choice to be a role model so i can never represent my family. I am not the outcome of my mum, i really hope they see this point and not pin point my mum or think my mum's pushing the responsibility to them.

And seriously stop thinking my mum is wrong for bringing me and my brother away back then, cos i can assure you this point and if we were to follow your son, we will not be where we are now, we will be in jail. Your son's the worse man i ever met. Even man who hits their wives they don't hide it though it's as shameful but at least they admit, not like you who cheats and totally destroyed a family. And don';t you even dare think you have the rights to teach us what to do or even speak to my mum cos thing like you have nothing but just a smelly mouth to talk. You don't do anything you don't even care about anything. Maybe i inherited it from you, what a shame.

有缘再相逢

2009-05-09T20:12:00.000-07:00

你我彼此是对方的最爱
也是最真实的爱
相爱一生不是目标
而是到达地点

是我想的太单纯
我们没那么强
原来我们最受不起的
就是距离

爱太深
太难接受

放手是为了谅解
并非是件坏事
虽然很难
但为了彼此快乐
这是明确的

不知道何年何时能够复合
也可能从此都不会
不愿想象往后没有你的日子

回忆该怎么收藏
日子该怎么适应
见面该怎么称呼
还能牵你的手吗
能把你紧紧得抱着吗

我们
还能继续吗？

Hey diary.

2009-04-04T21:40:00.000-07:00

Hi? this is so awkward. It feels like i am talking to people in Singapore but yet i feel that no one will come here anymore. Never mind, i don't know what am i talking about.

So this is like the 3rd day in hk and i swear it feels more than that. I don't know how am i feeling actually. Seems like getting a job is all that i can think of now but i know i am thinking of so many things else. Like my baby, my friends and how's everyone doing. Maybe because i wasn't able to contact anyone so i feel kinda distanced from everyone i know. Being able to come back to hk and "join" my family members seems like one of my dream but now that i am back here with them, i also realised that there isn't much to talk to them about. I have missed out too much for too many years.

Although this is only the 3rd day in hk but i realised alot of things. Maybe cos i am "alone" now so i have so-called quiet time on my own to do some thinking. I realised that coming back here is very different from how i expected it to be. I am not as prepared as i thought i am. As much i thought i can be independent, i am not as strong. Thought i hasn't shed a tear since i touch down but that is only because i don't have any opportunity to do so cos my mum is with me all day long and stuff. Have you ever felt like you have something in your throat yet coughing doesn't help in anyways? That is how i am feeling. Maybe i just don't want to cry cos i am afraid that the reason so is that i hasn't moved on and i am not ready.

I think i acted like a bad guy for leaving my baby and friends in Singapore so i really want to put away all my feelings and make a good living here so that everything will be worth it. I really don't want to screw this opportunity. I will regret for life. hmm.

One thing that make me really wanna work even harder is that, i saw my motivation. My mum and i was walking about at TST bay yesterday and we all saw this big starbucks in the concept of our dream cafe. Really the way i wanted it to be. After looking at it, in my mind i was thinking this is what i am working for.

2009-03-21T00:51:00.000-07:00

omgomgomgomgomgomg. im missing missy au already. i really don't want you to go back!!!!!!!!!!

but i can't do anything about it either.

xtina

16days

2009-03-17T01:40:00.000-07:00

What am i gonna do in this 16 days that i am left with in Singapore? I wanna go to all the places that i have fond memories with. I wanna hang out with friends i never want to lose. You know? Just have a quick flashback on my 14 years in Singapore.

Honestly, as much as i dislike Singapore, there's no other place that i am be as relaxed and unburdened. In SG, you are not afraid to stare at an ah beng cos they are probably afraid too but in hk, they clap and people start leaving the chess table, the playground and pillars. You can wear FBT and shirt and walk around Singapore and nobody cares cos everyone does that but in hk, they will think what the hell are you doing in this sleeping attire outside? You can continue wearing the same style for years and you can still find people wearing the same thing as you do but in hk, the trend changes before you realise. You can walk slowly in singapore and only get a few TSK but in hk, it is either you sit down or you walk all the way at the side so that you wouldn't block other's way or you'll get a good number of voices complaining about you.

I seriously don't know what to expect in hk. Hope everything works out as it is planned. I am going to change into a whole new person. Or maybe i don't even have to change on my own cos the environment will change me. I just hope that i won't create trouble over there or get cheated. OMG!! Thinking about it makes me wanna pee in my pants.

Anyway, friends, i wanted to hold a chalet session for my farewell so that we can all hang out together but due to financial difficulties and speaking from previous experience on my birthday last year, it is very difficult to give everyone equal attention so, if you want to have the last meal with me before i go, feel free to ask me out but i wouldn't be able to have meals with you cos i have to save money and i really don't have a single penny so, if that makes you wanna give me a treat i will give you priorities but if not, then we shall just chat over msn. HAHA! So fucking cheapo. But too bad, i am cheapo. SO friends! I am waiting for you!

By the way, i am only free in the day cos i've got work in the night. =]

2009-02-26T21:02:00.000-08:00

What the fuck la ok. I seriously hate my mother! She always have all kinds of excuses to defend herself and she will make it like as though she's the correct one and somehow will try to make you feel bad. Fuck it la. I just had a very huge row with her. Cos recently she only folds my brother's and her clothes, left only my clothes on the bed. With is damn fucked up. I mean, what's this man. So just now she did it again so i say, so what's with you leaving only my clothes on the bed? She got damn worked up and said that it is because i have nothing to do so i should fold my own clothes. What the fuck? For so many years i have been with this family, there's no such thing as do-it-if-you-have-nothing-to-do ok! If it was us who do the same thing to her, she would get angry and say why didn't we fold hers and if we were to say that cos she has got nothing to do, she would say that she did alot of things and she's very tired just that we didn't see. Fuck right? Then i would point out to her that i've seen her by the com the whole day, she would be speechless and say something like yesterday she blah blah blah then injured her shoulder so cannot do. How could it be that she always injured? If that's so, why is it that she can fold other clothes do other housework but not that few piece of clothes? So just now i asked her why, she told me i have nothing to do. So i said that it has nothing to do with it. I mean since you're at it already then just finish it, right? My point is, just say you want me to fold then ok, i will fold. Don't come and give me all sorts of excuses. It's damn disgusting.

Another thing is, in the first place, she pointed out to me that she wants me to go back hongkong and start a new life there, convinced me many times to go back. Ok, so i agreed. But from then till now, she has been twisting her story whenever she tell others about this plan. She would say that I AM THE ONE who wants to go back HK. Why? Cos she's one of the "Popular" one in Tzu Chi, so for them to know that she actually intends to go back hk is too much to bare for them. So she would say that i am the one who wants to go back so she is going back to guild me. But in the first place, if you did not come out with the idea and convinced me, why would i want to go right? Correct that i am very eager to go back already, but still. The story line doesnt change. And it comes back to the same point, tell me that you dont want them to know that she's the one who wants to go back HK and i will help you keep the secret. But dont make me the culprit please. Omg i am so damn fucking angry with her please. She said that i always dont admit my mistakes whenever she point it out. I was like what the fuck? Shouldn't you talk about yourself first? You also don't admit your mistakes what. When you're wrong you also speak louder than anyone what. So i got it from you la, what's wrong? Fuck know.

2009-02-22T08:35:00.001-08:00

HAHA! nic's mom totally did something so power i tell you please!

that night on fri, i was watching yu le bai fen bai.. then i was texting nic at the same time.. so i told her to watch it as well cause it was quite funny. then the moment she turned on the telly with their show's theme song playing, the mother woke up to watch the show cause her favourite actor was in it. LOL. damn power right? even my mother doesn't do that please! haha..

damnn! anyways! our plans to haw par villa was totally cancelled. cause of rain and some other stuff. then we headed to sheesha followed by briyani.. awesome food i tell you.. if i sat there any longer, i sure continue second round. and i haven't had my fill of apalam!!!! NICOLE AU!!!

xtina

2009-02-16T22:20:00.000-08:00

ubin was great fun! although night cycling wasn't really what baby liked, but i really liked it! it was fun!! =D i think maybe cause i had some little experience in pitch dark envrionment, so i was not that afraid. hmmm.. i really don't mind going back there for cycling and stuff. and i secretly like the life there quite a bit. BUT i would want the weather to be cooler. heh.

xtina

2009-02-15T03:48:00.000-08:00

loveeeee

2009-02-09T23:20:00.001-08:00

hello!!!!!! 11 marks the 5 in 2, 6 in 3 and 7 in 4. so happy! buttttt..... when 2 in 4 marks the day you leave, i will tear =( sighs! meeting you later and you're a big fatty. HAHA.

xtina

2009-02-07T10:18:00.000-08:00

xtina

2009-02-07T10:14:00.000-08:00

56 020409.1545 says (2:13 AM):
anyways!
56 020409.1545 says (2:13 AM):
i will blog in your blog more often
AUZZIE says (2:13 AM):
yeah ok!!
AUZZIE says (2:13 AM):
you can blog about today or whatever
AUZZIE says (2:14 AM):
you cna blog whatever you want actuallty
AUZZIE says (2:14 AM):
hahhaha
56 020409.1545 says (2:14 AM):
haha
56 020409.1545 says (2:14 AM):
really?
56 020409.1545 says (2:14 AM):
okayy
AUZZIE says (2:14 AM):
yeah
56 020409.1545 says (2:14 AM):
then i will turn it into my second blog
56 020409.1545 says (2:14 AM):
hahahahahah
AUZZIE says (2:14 AM):
hahaha
AUZZIE says (2:14 AM):
ok

as of this conversation, missy au has given me the greatest permission to rant on her blog. WOOHOO!

xtina

2009-02-06T11:40:00.001-08:00

hohohohoho! guess who? =P

missy au! i pray that you won't scold me when you find out! =X

How i find my work at WALA

2009-01-12T07:03:00.000-08:00

80 f:
so how?
80 f:
how you find work at WALAWALA
AUZZIE f:
hmm
AUZZIE f:
time passes really fast
AUZZIE f:
it's like before i know it's time to go home
AUZZIE f:
hmm
80 f:
isn't good?
AUZZIE f:
yeah
AUZZIE f:
Well and it's like
80 f:
??
AUZZIE f:
i get nervous so easily so i was very tensed up
AUZZIE f:
haha
80 f:
haha
80 f:
chillax la
80 f:
don't worry so much la
AUZZIE f:
so i'm still trying to get the table's number right and all the name of the beer, wine, champagne, gin and blah blah blah
AUZZIE f:
haha
80 f:
orhh
80 f:
take it slow la
80 f:
your first day
80 f:
but drinks wise.. shouldn't be a problem for you right?
80 f:
hahaha
AUZZIE f:
r
AUZZIE f:
er
AUZZIE f:
infact
AUZZIE f:
it's the biggest problem
AUZZIE f:
i have one whole fucking long list of names to remember and it's too much for my brain
AUZZIE f:
hahaha
80 f:
hahaha
80 f:
no
80 f:
you're like a bloody drunkard la
80 f:
drink so much please
AUZZIE f:
yeah like all i know is what, vodka, gin, whiskey, tequila
AUZZIE f:
but all this has load of other brands under them
AUZZIE f:
wahhhh
80 f:
haha
AUZZIE f:
then beer got how many cl all
80 f:
normal la
AUZZIE f:
then by country somemore
80 f:
wine you can ask cerlyn
80 f:
she expert
80 f:
but she sleeping now
80 f:
hahah
AUZZIE f:
then wala wala happens to be the pubs that has the largest range of beer in singapore
AUZZIE f:
-_-
AUZZIE f:
...
80 f:
HAHA
80 f:
mega ownage already la
80 f:
did you eat dinner today?
AUZZIE f:
yeah just now lo when i told you i'm having my break
80 f:
okay
80 f:
what did you eat for dinner?
AUZZIE f:
chicken rice
80 f:
haha
80 f:
okayyy
80 f:
PLEASE EAT SOMETHING MORE NUTRITIOUS!
80 f:
baby
80 f:
next time when i find you, you'll be in my arms
80 f:
to give you comfort and strength!
80 f:
wheeeeeeeeeee
AUZZIE f:
heeee
AUZZIE f:
how nutritious can i get in a hawker center?
80 f:
eat soupy stuff
80 f:
eat fruits please
AUZZIE f:
oh
AUZZIE f:
i ate papaya
AUZZIE f:
heeee
80 f:
haha
80 f:
don't lao sai again ah
80 f:
you know your stomach not very good at controlling ah
80 f:
eh
80 f:
share with me your work experiences lei
80 f:
hahha
AUZZIE f:
hmm
AUZZIE f:
they have alot of regulars so i was asked by many customers if i am new today
AUZZIE f:
haha
80 f:
haha
80 f:
really?
AUZZIE f:
got praised by a bunch of regulars that i pour good beer
AUZZIE f:
YAY!!!
80 f:
haha
80 f:
that's good
AUZZIE f:
Then that indian gave me 10 tips, that two ang mo 5 each
AUZZIE f:
But all have to go to the tips box
AUZZIE f:
hahhaha
AUZZIE f:
hmm
80 f:
haha
80 f:
really?
80 f:
why you cannot keep?
80 f:
did they give it o you perosnally?
AUZZIE f:
i caught myself talk to myself alot of time
AUZZIE f:
hahaha
AUZZIE f:
yeah
AUZZIE f:
but you have to give ah
AUZZIE f:
hahhaa
80 f:
hahaha
AUZZIE f:
i mean, maybe it's a pile up of many good services before my service that's why they wanna give ma so shouldnt take
80 f:
why on earth are you talking to yourself?
80 f:
haha
80 f:
that's true also
AUZZIE f:
cos i need to make sure that i ask them the right answer
AUZZIE f:
i very scared i nervous then i stumble on my words
AUZZIE f:
then many times i dont know what i just heard form the customer so i need to recall but many people talking to i need to talk to my self also so i can concentrate on my thinking
AUZZIE f:
yeahh
80 f:
hahaha
80 f:
you very cute lei
AUZZIE f:
oh i meant question
AUZZIE f:
haha
AUZZIE f:
what are you doing now?
80 f:
slacking and watching yi zhi mei
AUZZIE f:
ohh
AUZZIE f:
you can't watch desperate housewife hor
AUZZIE f:
hahahha
80 f:
ya la
80 f:
so annoying
AUZZIE f:
hahaha
80 f:
aiyahhhhhhhhh
80 f:
and can you start having a habit of updating your blog?
80 f:
so that when you go back to hk., you won't be complacent?
80 f:
zzzz

2009-01-01T17:39:00.000-08:00

Do you know that obese man have small amount of cum shot? HAHA! Class95 tells you all this shits. That is why i love them so much.

Alright, thought i should at lease come out with some new year resolutions or some welcome passages but, i have yet come out with any. I don't even want 2009 to come so why is it here without my consent? It's my problem, it also shows that i am not moving on cos i am still stagnant on the same spot not knowing where to go and what to do. Yes the route is planned out and yes i am gonna take it and go (Russell Peter. HAHA!!) but whether or not this is really gonna be the best solutions after all, will be another piece of mind.

I was never greedy or wish for anything that is obviously beyond my abilities. I don't know if that is good or bad, i find myself somehow thinking that there's actually many things in this world that is beyond. I did some soul-searching and came down with two conclusion.

Firstly, I kept holding to the past when i was a good student scoring every paper and get praises from teachers because i was for obvious reason a miracle and a shining star sparkling within those four cold walls filled with ears out of the head and grinding of teeth aka hell. Also, an enthusiastic member in church with overfilling faith with the power to win over the whole world and ridiculously only able to speak the word "AMEN" (Amen, man. I just feel like saying it suddenly) and proudly to say, a filial daughter to my mother who then finally able to tell everyone how much lesser i am a worry to the family without any guilt. So to say, i am closely a role model.

Secondly, Being an active member in the lazing field, I practise daze, which requires alot of laziness and a rich imagining mind. I love to daze and if you are a master in this section under habits, you will be able to understand what i am about to say. When you concentrate on your dazing, you will find yourself so comfortable even in the most awkward position ever, that you can even stop blinking for up to minutes even you are one that posses the habit of blinking at a constant fast close timing. Sometimes i get so engaged into this practise because i get so comfortable that my body refuses to move even when my pea brain jolly well have full knowledge that i will miss that bus if i don't move my ass in 5 seconds. (That is a long sentence i much say) 6 out of 10, i'll let the bus pass me by and sum it up with a hidden giggle. (I personally finds it extremely funny, maybe it is just my character but for all my life i learned that i find almost everything in this huge rotating ball funny and i do not think i am weird, i am just unique.) One thing you must know, dazing comes in the procedure of stoning (NOT throwing of stone but being stationed like you're a stone), start running your mind engine and let your imagination run wild, there is no right or wrong, you can even be Spiderman! I mean, why not? It's just that you are yet bitten by that spider, it could be anytime. Maybe you were bitten by a spider when you're a baby and you have yet realise your secret power. Sometimes when your mum's being a bitch (Gaya can try this. Not all Gaya but if your name is Gaya and your mum's being a bitch too like my friend Gaya you can try this too. But even if your name is not Gaya but you have a mum that's being bitch also, no harm trying.) , you stretch your arm in a confident force hoping that spiderwebs start forming and covering your mum's mouth after the following motion. But it never happen, maybe you exerted the wrong muscle or you never say those magic words or maybe, you forgot to dig a small hole at your wrist so those webs can shot out like cum shots shooting. Oops. M18 only! Am i getting no where? I hope not but i know i am. Whatever, that's what i do.

So now you understand, i give in to dazing A LOT! I give it full authority to lure me into it anytime anywhere. It might explain when am so lazy, because all i want to do is to daze and daze, repeat daze. (HAHA!)

I don't know what kind of message is this post suppose to convey. Well, convey whatever it conveyed of cos. It's just that i dont know what it is. OMG STOP!!! I can't stop it, i can feel that my brain's working out again. You know, it's running wild. Wild means very big, right? So it kept running in the wild, keep running. Fit. hmm

P.S As i reread this post, i feel like i was so trying to act profound but obvious it only sound like but it's not. This is called, action mama. No, it's action beh-deh. Mama Beh-deh.

2009-01-01T00:48:00.000-08:00

Debbie and I.
My cutie baby =]]

Teddy and i. (Why the face like that??) HAHA!

I am coming back to this room soon.=[=[=[

Two bloody fat dogs. hhahaa.

Look at the way she smile. Look.

My eyebrow is a little short here. hmm

Just kidding. heee.

Stacey's eye is very big here. Right?

Happy 21st!!!!

I miss my homiesssssssssss.

I like this photo. =]

Hee.

My dad and my yeh yeh.

HAHA!! okok. Hi buddy.

Look at my yeh yeh, he is so cuteee. hahah

Ma ma

2008-12-02T09:38:00.000-08:00

I dont want a family trip. I want a proper trip which is my Birthday trip!

Anyway people! The address for the awaiting BBQ party this Sunday is ;

35 Lorong Ong Lye #03-04. Casa Rosa
Buses no is 22,24,43,58,62,70,76,80.
The nearest MRT Station is Purple line, Serangoon station.
Exit by exit C and take buses 22, 70 and 43.
Alight at the 4th stop after the mrt bus stop

Anyway, this is my birthday wishes.

I wish that my friendship with Lex&co, Karmun&co, Faynat&co will last forever.
I pray that Baby and i will put through this upcoming stage.
I wish/BETTER find enough money in time to pay for the bbq.
I wish that i will not slack any longer and have a job asap.
I want a NDS-Lite.
I want a new phone.
I want all my friends in Singapore to always remember me.
I want to 生生性性做人。
I want to be able to survive when staying with my grandparents.
I want to slim down (This will pass on and on and on. )
I want a pair of dunk. (Preferred colours; Black, Grey or White.)
I want MONEY!!!
I want Claudia to stop being a bimbo so that i will not be blamed for slapping her.
I want that Grey sling bag from Mooks.

So far that's it. hee

If we can pull through this stage, there is really nothing to fear.

2008-11-25T10:51:00.000-08:00

Ok! Please ignore the previous post about the job cos it's a total cheat please. And dont ask about it cos it's so embarrassing and i don't ever wanna talk about it.

So anyway, as i mentioned, due to the absent of my presence. I had decided to organize an advance birthday party which is a bbq session. Location and timing has yet confirmed but it will be either friday or sunday next week. I'll keep an update so stay noticed.

As this will be my 21st birthday, i really want it to be done the way i want it to be done. So, attendants have to follow this two simple rule.

1. The dress code for this party is Beach Wear.
-Ladies are expected to don sundresses or halter/singlet with shorts and flip flops.
-Gents/Bungs are expected to don singlet or a tee with berms with flip flops.
(Suggestion mentioned would be preferred. Try to follow so to have fun! It would be much appreciated. )
*IMPT! DO NOT COME IN WITH TEE AND FBT OK! I'LL SHAOLIN AND MUAY THAI YOU!

2. Please come with a present. A packet of Mix and ___ gumies would be nice too! Just dont come empty handed. Cos people here 21st birthday ah, dont get any key never mind but if dont have present i VERY mind ok!!! And anyway, people whom i invited, be honoured. =]

P.S. This party is also to bring my friends together so that we can have fun and chat to catch up. I mean we all have our own life and stuff so we hardly keep up with each other's life. If you think that this is not important so it is ok not to come. By all means do so, cos after all i'm the birthday girl. I don't need to beg you all to come. This party i am only inviting people i appreciate and people whom i had fond memories with. It is a happy thing, so if it is a chore for you to come or whatsoever stuff, really, don't need to come. As i said, i dont want to make it like as though i have to beg you to come. If i am not as important that you can't push aside your agenda that day for my 21st, i'll take it as it is. =]

SO people! I will post another post tmr, keep looking @_@. hee

WOOHOO!!

2008-11-17T08:11:00.000-08:00

Yay yay yay yay!

I am so excited about this new chapter of life? Everything's gonna start all over again. I am going to work hard and learn as much and as fast as i can. I so can see how challenging it is gonna be. YAY!!

So today is an eventful day

1) Got a call from office and were asked to go down for interview. I kinda want to decline it cos we were suppose to gym today but after fighting with my consciousness i decided to say yes before i pause for too long on the phone. Informed mum about it and she decided to be nice to treat me to lunch at Beri nice kopitiam. I ordered Dumpling noodles and only managed to finish a quarter of the portion. Head down to Aljunied and was early for half and hour. Was ushered into the Manager's (I think) room and sat for interview. I guess she did it many times cos everything she said sounded so recorded. HAHA! So bad. Oh yeah, she looked DAMN familiar and i can't help but keep thinking she's from the Lesbian side. Alright, so i was pronounced hired after 16minutes. Very good! -CLAPS-

2) Cos Lex and Sharon refused to give me any kind of respond, so i start heading down to RP at 1421 thank you. Reached Woodlands at about early 3 plus when baby ends at 4. SO! Sat there and start human observation. Rp do have weird people.

3) Baby came out 15minutes or so earlier =] Concluded Ikea the next destination, we (more of like myself) decided to take a bus so to man man yo to the Alexandra's branch. Hee. Had dinner and baby sure can eat alot. Oops, she's gonna open her eyes wide when she read this. Hi baby! -waves- And so, we started looking around planning how our house would look like and stuff.

I so love the feeling of being able to stroll Ikea with baby by my side. Together we decided and voice out how we want this to be done how we want that to be placed. =]] I really feel that this is the real start of my career. My first official job in my life. =] I am going to work hard so to shorten the wait to have our home. I can't wait to move to bkk, i can't wait to have baby in my arms every night when i go to sleep. heee

2008-11-08T01:01:00.000-08:00

WHAT'S WITH EVERYTHING COMING AT ONE GO? WHY IS MY BOSS REFUSING TO PICKING UP MY CALL AND GIVE ME MY PAY? I DONT HAVE A FUCKING CENT NOW AND I FEEL DAMN PATHETIC! I DON'T EVEN HAVE MONEY TO STEP OUT OF CLEMENTI! THAT MAKES ME NOT ABLE TO FIND A JOB!!!

STACEY CHOSE TO END OUR FRIENDSHIP BECAUSE SHE FEELS THAT I AM IGNORING HER AND AVOIDING HER. I THOUGHT SHE WAS ANGRY THEREFORE I DONT WNAT TO BOTHER HER WHEN SHE'S PISSED. NOW SHE WANTS TO END IT! SHE WANTS TO END OUR FRIENDSHIP! FUCK! I AM NEVER THAT IMPORTANT TO HER AS SHE IS TO ME. 4 YEARS OF FRIENDSHIP GONE LIKE THIS. IF THIS IS WHAT YOU THINK IT'S BEST, FORGET IT THEN!

I WANT TO BOOK A CHALET FOR MY BIRTHDAY SO THAT MY OTHER FRIENDS CAN CELEBRATE WITH ME. BUT I AM SO FUCKING USELESS I DONT HAVE A JOB I DONT HAVE MONEY CHALET IS FULLY BOOKED. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG?

I WANT TO BOOK A HOTEL ROOM IN SENTOSA SO MY GIRLFRIEND AND I CAN SPEND A DAY ON OUR OWN TO CELEBRATE OUR THIRD MONTH AND MY 21ST BIRHTDAY. BUT I DONT EVEN HAVE A JOB NOW HOW AM I GOING TO PAY FOR IT?

I DONT KNOW WHAT AM I GONNA DO! ONE MOMENT SHE WANTS ME TO GO BACK ONE MOMENT SHE WANTS ME TO STAY! SO WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT ME TO DO? I WANT TO DECIDE MY OWN LIFE BUT YOU ARE NOT ALLOWING ME TO! I WANT TO STUDY BUT YOUR INDECISIVE IS STOPPING ME! NOW I DONT KNOW WHAT CAN I DO FOR MY FUTURE!

RIGHT AT THIS TIME I REALLY REALLY WANNA SLASH MYSELF BUT I DONT WANNA BE STUPID. GOD WHAT IS FUCKING WRONG WITH MY LIFE? WHY MUST EVERYTHING COME AT THE SAME TIME? WHY DONT YOU JUST TAKE MY LIFE AND END IT? THIS SUCKS!!!!!

I JUST WANT YOU TO HUG ME NOW AND TELL ME EVERYTHING'S GOING TO BE OK! WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE? WHY ARE YOU BEING SO COLD TO ME?!!!!!![

2008-11-03T20:38:00.000-08:00

http://www.handwritingwizard.com/analysis.php

Nicoleau is moderately outgoing. Her emotions are stirred by sympathy and heart rendering stories. In fact, she can be kind, friendly, affectionate and considerate of others. She has the ability to put herself into the other person's shoes.

Nicoleau will be somewhat moody, with highs and lows. Sometimes she will be happy, the next day she might be sad. She has the unique ability to get along equally well with what psychology calls introverts and extroverts. This is because she is in between. Psychology calls Nicoleau an ambivert. She understands the needs of both types. Although they get along, she will not tolerate anyone that is too "far out." She doesn't sway too far one way or the other.

When convincing her to buy a product or an idea, a heart rendering story could mean a great deal to her. She puts herself in the same situation as the person in the story, yet she will not buy anything that seems overly impractical or illogical. Nicoleau is an expressive person. She outwardly shows her emotions. She may even show traces of tears when hearing a sad story.

Nicoleau is a "middle-of-the-roader," politically as well as logically. She weighs both sides of an issue, sits on the fence, and then will decide when she finally has to. She basically doesn't relate to any far out ideas and usually won't go to the extreme on any issue.

Nicoleau tends to write a bit smaller than the average person. When a person's letters are small and tiny, this indicates an ability to focus and concentrate. This character trait is a huge asset in careers like math, science, race car driving, and flying planes. However, if Nicoleau writes tiny all of the time, she will also display characteristics of someone who is socially introverted. Nicoleau will often sit on the sideline and watch others get the attention at parties. she might be willing to open up and be warm, but only in small groups or a select group of people. When she is busy working on a project, it is common for all other noises and distractions to just fade away and her ability to focus is incredible. When she says "she didn't hear you", she really means, she didn't hear you.

When Nicoleau expresses an opinion on a issue she will stick to that opinion, and probably will not change her mind. In other words... Nicoleau is stubborn. When she is wrong about something that she has decided upon, she will have trouble admitting she is wrong. Changing Nicoleau's mind can be very difficult. Once Nicoleau makes up her mind, she doesn't want to be confused with the facts!

Nicoleau will be candid and direct when expressing her opinion. She will tell them what she thinks if they ask for it, whether they like it or not. So, if they don't really want her opinion, don't ask for it!

Because Nicoleau has sharp needle pointed 'm' and 'n' humps, she has a very sharp mind. She instantly sizes up situations, making instant decisions. She thinks and evaluates circumstances very rapidly. Many people with this type of mind are geniuses, thus she may be seen as highly intelligent. Nicoleau is often irritated by slow talkers or slow thinkers. If she drives, she gets irritated by slow drivers in the fast lane. She quickly becomes bored when being taught on the level of the slowest student in class. She may be on problem number three when the rest of the class is on problem one. Nicoleau is curious and very active. In fact, in school she might have been a trouble maker because she thought so much faster than the other kids, she finished her work first, thus having plenty of time on her hands to make trouble!

Nicoleau's true self-image is unreasonably low. Someone once told Nicoleau that she wasn't a great and beautiful person, and she believed them. Nicoleau also has a fear that she might fail if she takes large risks. Therefore she resists setting her goals too high, risking failure. She doesn't have the internal confidence that frees her to take risks and chance failure. Nicoleau is capable of accomplishing much more than she is presently achieving. All this relates to her self-esteem. Nicoleau's self-concept is artificially low. Nicoleau will stay in a bad situation much too long... why? Because she is afraid that if she makes a change, it might get worse. It is hard for Nicoleau to plan too far into the future. She kind of takes things on a day to day basis. She may tell you her dreams but she is living in today, with a fear of making a change. No matter how loud she speaks, look at her actions. This is perhaps the biggest single barrier to happiness people not believing in and loving themselves. Nicoleau is an example of someone living with a low self-image, because their innate self-confidence was broken.

Nicoleau is sarcastic. This is a defense mechanism designed to protect her ego when she feels hurt. She pokes people harder than she gets poked. These sarcastic remarks can be very funny. They can also be harsh, bitter, and caustic at the same time.

Nicoleau is very self-sufficient. She is trying not to need anyone. She is capable of making it on her own. She probably wants and enjoys people, but she doesn't "need" them. She can be a loner.
For a graphologist, the spacing on the page reflects the writer's attitude toward their own world and relationship to things in his or her own space. If the inputted data was correct Nicoleau has left lots of white space on the right side of the paper. Nicoleau fills up the rest of the page in a normal fashion. If this is true, then Nicoleau has an unhealthy relationship to the past and has a fear of moving forward. The right side of the page represents the future and Nicoleau seems unwilling to face the fear of getting started living now and planning for the future. Nicoleau seems to be clinging to past events and spending lots of time thinking about what happened. It would be best to leave the past behind and move on. Stop crowding that left margin.

past

2008-10-31T02:49:00.000-07:00

Woke up by all of the throwing or heavy stack of magazines and my mum's stomping of feet. That's the typical way of her to wake me up. Typically annoying.

So.. Went through some of the old songs and poems i composed. It is funny when i read them and looked back on those days. How exaggerating i was and i bet most kids that age takes love like this, cos always thinking it is the last or the most beloved relationship. While some elders come along and say that this is nothing much and it is not worth our tears? We'll flare cos we hate it when they think that nothing is that important for us etc... But now, it all makes sense.

So yeah, this is a tribute to my foolish of youth.

This is a song i wrote for this girl i'd been in a relationship with for one and a half year, without knowing how she looked like. But i loved her beyond the looks and the number of lies she told.

You are an angel to me
I'm in love with a girl
That i shouldn't had fall for
Cos she wasn't the right one for me (at that time)
My mind is full of this girl
I'd never thought i would feel this way

Chorus
You are an angel to me
You are the sunlight that i ever need
You walked in my life and brighten it with your smile
You are the air that i breathe
You've given me strength to live
You're that wonderful girl that i wanna spend with
For the rest of my life

But now things had change
You've made miracles in my life
Cos you gave me a chance to be with you
You're that wonderful girl, that i ever want.
I wish, you will stay right by my side, Forever
Cos i, don't ever wanna leave you

Chorus
You are an angel to me
You are the sunlight that i ever need
You walked in my life and brighten it with your smile
You are the air that i breathe
You've given my strength to live
You're that wonderful girl that i wanna spend with
For the rest of me life

And this is a poem i wrote out of desperation and frustrations cos i was overly hurt by my then girlfriend who apparently doesn't treats me right.

Nights and nights she's waiting for your call
Thought she know you won't call at all
But all she want is to hear your voice
Even thought it's just for awhile
She has always wanted to say how much she loves you
Telling you how much she wants to hold you in her arms all night

How she wish she could have your kiss forever
You may not love her as much
But in her heart that's all that she wants
And your love is all that she needs

Her conversations may not be as interesting as your friend's
It may be all about her friends and life
She may laugh at her own jokes
She may not be listening to you attentively
But in her heart
There's always you sitting there

Others may come along and want to take her away
Telling her this is not the way
Not the way a relationship should be
But how could they expect her to listen
When all she knows is to love you

Sometimes things may not go the way you expect it to be
But you still gotta accept it
She may thinks all couples is loving and caring for each other
But her relationship is exceptional
But yet she didn't give up and walk away
Cos all she wants is to love you and be there for you
So that's the reason why she chose to stay

So please
Don't leave her hanging like this
If what she wants is not what you can give
Then tell her
"I'm sorry, but i hafta leave."

2008-10-20T09:14:00.000-07:00

Christina Lim H.F i miss you so much!

Anyway, I REALLY HATE TO WORK AT PASIR RIS! I don't understand why Boss want to put us there for ONE WHOLE MONTH! No sales, no people, FUCKING COLD!

So anyway, i am in a frustrating mood. I get annoyed very easily, everything can piss me off. haha.

Shit i don't know what else to say, Baby's gonna kill me. BABY BABY BABY BABY.

BABY IS SO PRETTY. BABY IS SO HOT, BABY IS SO CUTE. I LOVE BABY!!!

Oh and we went Party World on sat with Alan the memeber's president, Mel. Really fun la huh, hahhaha. Had alot of laughter, really really happy. hahha

Have to blog again =((

2008-10-13T09:35:00.000-07:00

Was suppose to have breakfast with Baby and Mel at 715 at causeway macs. BUT, baby never reply me so i fell back asleep so by the time we both woke up it is too late already. So i went back to sleep. Woke up at 10 plus to go toilet and mum heard the flush so she woke up too to ask me to have branch and the market with her. But i said no, later. And it was raining later so we didn't go all the way till 1 i guess. I don't know why i must blog out all the details too so yeah, i don't know.

Came home and did housework. That is why i hate to be at home on my off days when mum's at home too. She will definitely find this kind of things to let me do. People off day means stay at home and slack but her difination is to do housework. So i also have to go out on my off days. So annoying. So i pack my room and vacuumed the floor today. Tiring sehhh. Rushed down to RP to fetch baby and head down to Suntec.

We were suppose to engrave our ring but we couldn't find any places that provide such service -_- Ate at this digusting korean restaurant. You know the whole circle of restaurant at basement? There is only one korean restaurant there, you'll know which one. It is beside The Soup something. We found a cockrouch crawling about on mour table!!! Fucking disgusting. Basically the food is tasteless, a Korean restaurant without Chajangmeung. Well, it is run by china waitresses and china chefs. So why is it a Korean restaurant? Beat me.

Walked about and finaly settle down at Satrbucks to play our Bian Tai game. Baby always play cheat. She win she will count but when i win she conveniently stay ignorant. Well done. Head home after that and...

And here i am at home, threatened to blog so that she will blog. -_- Ok you better blog as much as i did cos this is a long post.

2008-10-12T07:35:00.000-07:00

Alright, finally yesterday was our first month =)) I don't really like to say it is our 1st month cos it just feels way longer than that. I feel like we're already going to reach our third year already or something. Ok that's very kua. But you know what i mean right? Hee.

So, in the end, we met at 6 plus 7ish cos i was late. Oops. Well, can't really blame me right? I changed into 4-5 different sets of outfit so that i can make sure i look ok. And yeah ok, i did look ok. Ok, so Xtina prepared everything there waiting for me at this romantic rooftop. haha. I don't know why, we both felt quite awkward at first, maybe we both really looked forward to this day so we were both nervously speechless at first. But baby obviously can't keep quiet for long, so she broke the awkwardness. HAHAH!! Dont kill me. hee

I had a great time spent cos there's noone else but only us. Really the privacy we needed. She wanted to stay there the whole night but too bad, light refuse to dawn so i refused to stay on. Wanted to chill at ECP cos we have this bottle of wine that i was dying to drink but there was no opener so we have to go Park something to get it. We got it and decided to have Grass Jelly first and in the end Gaya called us to go O Bar so baby got so excited that she agreed immediately. haha. Baby is really cute.

What happend next i shall never mention. Ok a little bit only. I want to say, Only people who is hypocrite and speechless will whack someone who is obviously a level high sorry, i meant 10 levels higher than them. Hmm, and the other thing is, someone said yesterday that i am not gaya's best friend, cos i am not in her featured friends, he was dead serious. DUH, we're in a middle of an argument. But, baby, i am not even in your friend's list. Are we gonna break up and be enemies now? CHOY CHOY CHOY CHOY CHOY.

Baby, i hope you like the present i did for you ok? It is very simple but i did it with patience and love. Thank you for all the joy you've brought to my life in the one month. I was really afraid that we won't work out cos everything was in a rush, but thank god, everything turned out the opposite way. Although i'd upset you trice in the short one month but you've forgiven me too. But you know sometimes i am jsut stupid and never use brain right? Dont mind k? I am really scared tho, we have a long way to go, which means you will see more and more of my stupidness, so get prepared ok. Don't angry ah. haha. And i know i have said it so many thousand times but yeah, i am really happy to receive a anniversary present from you. Receiving it is thankful, from you is thankful plus grateful. Maybe it is really like what LKM said, this is my good karma. haha. Cross fingers. hee. May this flame will never die.

With passion and love,
NICOLE CHRISTINE AU ZHOU XIN (CHEUK YAN)

2008-10-08T08:15:00.000-07:00

Well, you'll see me updating my blog much often than before from now on because Christina's been complaining about my laziness towards blogging. That was a long sentence. hee. So it was sentosa day today and we all had fun. Like seriously just chilling by the beach drinking a chilled beer and puffing chilled cigarettes away. Thought it was only Lex, baby and i, it was fun. And Jayme, come next time ok? I see other babies your age at the beach too, so don't worry alright? It is time to make some friend yo. Anyway, just enjoy the photos. Not all is up yet but at least got three right? hee

Anyway, I WANT TO COMPLAINT!!! WHY THE BAZAAR MUST BE AT E!HUB? IT IS FUCKING FAR KNOW? SO BORING SOMEMORE, AND SO COLD! I REALLY HATE BEING THERE. ARGGGG. Angsty

You became the peices of my puzzle =]]

Close call

2008-10-05T12:15:00.000-07:00

Baby i am really sorry about what happend just now ok? Shouldn't have said those things without thinking if it hurts you or not. You know at those moments i can't find you, i was dead worried that i really cried. Until you picked up my call, i stil fear deep inside that you might think that i dont understand you and you think there is no point carrying on so you want to break. But baby, thank you so so much for telling me i am stupid for thinking this way.

You're really special, how come you can love me like that, how come you won't break with me after a fight and still apologise for walking away, how come you can still hug me and calm me down? Noone has ever done that to me before and i never thought anyone would do that. But you, you did that..

Words can't say how much i grateful i am for you, baby.

Anyway, talking about my day. It wasn't a good thing to begin with. My mum was suppose to wake me up so we can have breakfast and head down to pasir ris together. But she forgot to wake me up so i was late so i have to take a cab down. And i suayly took a cab with the uncle NOT KNOWING how to operate the fucking Net's machine and made me run up and down to draw money. WTF??? Hello, you want to drive a taxi and fucking learn how to use the Net's machine la. I was already late and you still create all this kind of trouble for me! CCB!

At the bottom line, Learn what you have to learn before serving customers. ARG!!!!

Alright, blogged =]]

2008-09-27T10:31:00.000-07:00

I dont know man, i know i have always wanted to go back. That's like what i have always wanted since i came here. The plan was to go back next year yes, it has been the talk since months ago. But how was i suppose to know that this time round things is coming true? I mean we talked about going back since 2000 but 8 years later we are still stuck at this pathetic dot! But little do i know after penting for this whole of years, i am finally going back out of all time, now. Why can't we go back like, when i am single and free? When i have no plans at all? Why now? Why only when i thought my life is turning good and when i finally found someone? I don't the money and ability to stay in Sinagpore on my own! So what the fuck am i gonna do?????? THIS IS SERIOUSLY FUCKED UP!!!

So in love

2008-09-25T11:19:00.000-07:00

As we stroll along together
Holding hands walking all alone
So in love are we two
That we don't know what to do
So in love

As we walk by the sea together
Under stars twinkling high above
So in love are we two
No one else but me and you
So in love
So much in love
So in love
So much in love

We stroll along together
I tell you I need you oh so much
I love, I love you my darling
Can you tell it in my touch?

As we walk down the aisle together
We will vow to be together till we die
So in love are we two
Just can't wait to say i do
So in love
In a world of our own
So in love
Are you and i

Baby, I hope you realize
That you mean so much to me
You're everything I ever wanted in a woman
To touch, to feel your body close to me
I just want to hold you in my arms forever
I love you baby... touch

2008-09-24T11:38:00.000-07:00

OHMYGOD BABY!!! DON'T DEN DEN DEN ME NOW!!!

Alright, Sooooo. hmm, yes, blog.

Ohmygod all that i can think of now is the den den den msn alert and nothing else!!

DEN DEN DEN DEN DEN DEN DEN DEN!! OMG!!

Anyways, i have been thinking alot recently about my life and christina's life. I don't know what she think but she is definitely in the picture. She is seriously the second girl out of so many that i thought of marrying. I know all this is too early to say, but i don't know, it just feels so right whenever i am with her and it feels like we've been together for God knows how long but the fact is that it is only the 2nd week? HAHA. Oh dear, but that is not the point of cos.

I mean my point is, i felt so good, like it is really GOOD. I can be whoever i am and i feel so free when i am with her. I can do, say, sing whatever and whenever i want and not feel ashamed or any sort like being afraid that she will be disgraceful being seen with me. Nope, none of this sorts. I think this is so important, being yourself with your partner, that is definately true love =))

Ok, i can't hold it any longer, I've got to go, pee. TATA

Cos here in my heart
There's a picture of us
Together forever =))

When dusk sets in, we'll be laying on the couch out in our Bali balcony. =))))

2008-09-19T13:20:00.000-07:00

Caught up in the world of my silly =))

2008-09-18T12:20:00.000-07:00

Finally, i understands "give and take". When your partner is true to you, she wouldn't just keep taking, she will also give. Doesn't expect a return yet wanna keep giving. This is what love truly means.

She catches my breath, she blows my mind =))

Sigh

2008-09-17T08:10:00.000-07:00

你们很烦耶，如果要翻译的话那我打国语干屁嘞？我不管啦，明不明白你家的事啦！哈哈，

你们所需要知道的是，我们过得很好，那就够了 =））

2008-09-16T07:16:00.000-07:00

我有好多野想讲，但系又唔知点讲又或者从边度开始。可能我怕讲左出黎有d事会改变。我知道我地发展得好快，我都想慢d, o甘样我地至可以系一齐耐d. 但系呢个习惯我改唔到，我等唔切。但系又惊会后悔当初唔忍耐d. 听过同经历过数万次o甘既冲动，而次次都系分手收场。正所谓，黎得快，散得快。我好怕我地会有同样结果。所以，我而家放慢脚步，慢慢一步一步o甘了解你。我有成2年无拍过托，好多野我已经唔识得去做。唔好讲以前的我，以前d生活我马马虎虎幢下幢下o甘过，因为我以前无用过心去了解同对待所以应该说既做既我都会做。觉得系应该既，所以无心都会做，之后伤害唔少人，成为花心汉。

所以我而家省系想做好自己，做好你既女朋友。我想好好地同你简简单单o甘过日子，感觉上o甘样先可以长久。所以有d野我唔讲我唔做并唔系我唔细心，而系我唔敢，我唔知系咪出自真心，我怕我会hurt到你。所以，俾d时间我啊，我会收拾好心情，好好反省。因为要俾我就要俾你最好最真实既，ok?

我唔锺意睇到你唔开心，因为我唔识得tam人，我好惊讲错野，好白痴。=（（ sorry, 我真的怕。你系第一个对我o甘好同爱我既人，所以我好在乎你对我既睇法。虽然你话你爱我系因为我系我，但系我始终好concious. 都系因为我紧你姐~ =））

点都好啦~ 我真系觉得自己好lucky我有你做我gf. ilu 老婆=）））

2008-09-12T10:23:00.000-07:00

Choonyee! Your eye's can don't open. -_- haha
Excuse the my eyes. I must be really tired. haha
And Lex's expression and my hair too =((

Tsu.

Happy happy,
"Ay the snail very skinny uh?"
=D

Fat dog.
Two fat dogs.
Naomi Cher.
Tan Faynat.
Nicole Christine Au

So, this is roughly what happened this few days/weeks.

I am becoming Britney? Cos i am so lucky. heeheehee

2008-09-09T00:24:00.000-07:00

WHY IS IT THAT I CAN'T TYPE IN CHINESE?!?! WANT TO DIE AH??

Anyway, life's been fun recently. So much had happened and so much to say and this is going to be a long post by the way. Nothing to do can stay on and read. It's in english somemore so SOME people don't come and complaint to me that you don't understand my post again AH!!

Anyway, Christina is so pretty now compared to the past. HAHA!

2008-09-01T10:06:00.000-07:00

我同Iris。

都系Iris同我 =））

区家 + B张。

区家。

我训o既床。

个厅。

日日行去饮茶的路。

区志文叔叔同Daisy婶婶。
Pang哥哥。（我劲肥啰我想讲。）
大姑丈同区志康叔叔。我好like呢张=））
大姑妈。
伟姑丈好玩得。YAY

超可爱的爷爷。
青衣岛姑姐！！我个头超爆想点？
Kevan. 你眉毛好黑。HAHA!!
May姑丈同MayMay夷。我的最爱！！

o甘 Of cos同埋我的超级无敌Fav嘛嘛！！！

Lam lam!! 你好得意唔该。
我，B张，kevan 同Jason.
区家的开心果，Bleu and Keona.
Jason为左要系我走之前同我食多一餐，
拒绝左同巨爷爷食sushi.
真系唔话得!多谢晒哦。

好大只生蚝。

N年前的Daddy. -暗笑-
摇摇同楠楠的“入房见证合约“。笑爆!
hee
好古旧的西餐厅。

Bleu, Willy同Keona. -laugh face-
9号风球。
的制作。
区志伟Daddy同谭秀珍Mummy =)))

嘛嘛同爷爷的55结婚周年。
超得意的楠楠。哈哈哈哈
Willy仔！！！！
想点？？？

o羊事？！？！ hahaha
中间o个个真系死得！！

我同嘛嘛。
我一下就射死你。

呢d就系我系香港所记下o既行程同生活。真系劲唔想返黎啰唔该！！

其实我有好多野要江，不过我e+实在太眼训，所以hold住到听日先啦~

训喇！早抖各位。

A long post.

2008-08-15T21:36:00.000-07:00

怎么哭了？看来不想是感动的泪水，而是无助的眼神。像是有难言之誉，想说的是，对我已不再有感觉了吗？关于这事我不想再说了，应为我也在寻找答案。我们别无选择，只好等待。

朋友们！明天我就要飞咯，算了那么久，谈了那么久，终于等到了。我真的好期待耶~ 昨晚有点小睡不着。没有啦，其实实在算钱。哈哈！！这次带的钱不多，可能都没办法把我想要买的都买下来。我爸超可恶的，想说向他掏些钱好让我能玩得开心点的说，怎么知道话还没说完就被拒绝了 -_- 他真的没有一点不好意思哦，还要我请他喝茶唳。买一杯茶给他还有可能。超不爽的。

这是从STACEY那拿来的，

State 20 facts about you and name the same number of friends to do this with the number of minute you take to do this.

12:59p.m (Currently working)

1. I am from hongkong.
2. I don't like singapore.
3. I am a lesbian.
4. I am ugly and fat.
5. I am 21 this year
6. I need to get fit.
7. I want to go back bkk asap!!
8. I am going back hongkong tmr!!
9. I still like iris alot.
10. I obviously don't like iris' gf that much.
11. I hope to get a chance to see her in person so i can stare at her (cos she don't know me)
12. I hope i don't get too fat in hk cos there's so much i want to eat.
13. I hope to get a chance to hold iris' hand and hug her.
14. I need to cut my hair cos it is too thick.
15. I must remember to call tsu tonight cos i forgot about it yesterday.
16. I must try not to smoke infront of my family members and iris.
17. I can't wait to see Yuki tmr cos she is so nice to come fetch me from the airport.
18. I want to eat 猪红the first thing i reach my hk.
19. I must make Iris let me do all her chinese homework (HAHA!!)
20. I seroiusly don't want to come back to Singapore. I don't want to work!!

13:04.

Tan faynat, Debbie Tan, Gillian Tsu, Huang Shuwen, Lim Karmun, Gayathri Balakrishnan,

Photos

2008-08-09T22:20:00.000-07:00

Why is it that i can't upload photos? Nvm..

Ok i am typing in english all for the sake of LKM and those micro number of visitors that comes to my blog which i highly doubt i can't count them with one hand. -_-

Anyway, life has been rather havoc ting recently. 've been drinking way too much in a way that i was totally indulged into the alcohol and was doing my very best to get drunk in the shortest time -wink- Because, i don't see how fun it is to drink just for the taste of it and not get drunk, totally not my style. And sooo, yeah, i was getting drunk so often but still have to drag myself to work the next day OMG!! It really sucks cos that simply meant i was still tipsy while working. Needed peace but no peace.. wanted some rest impossible. arrgg

Flying off next sunday, GOD!! The day is finally here after counting down from 11 weeks and now it is down to 1 week -heart almost skipped a beat- But... Will my holiday play as how i plotted it, i am no longer certain. Sigh.

Shall i just say, i am falling out of love soon? My love doesn't love me anymore (i think) =((

2008-08-05T10:05:00.000-07:00

我们怎么了？找不到话题了吗？还是已经感到厌倦？这种沉默太明显了，我没办法不去想。。最怕的就是这局面。都埃了那么久，就不能将就那11天吗？好不容易走到这里，为什么就在这最关键的时刻出现这种状况？想逃也逃不了，我们还能该怎么做？

我想，你的心以容纳不了我了，对吧？心早已变了不是吗？但我却带着那一丝希望，希望我们还会有跟长的路要一起走，也许是我不敢面对现实吧。当你说对我的感觉以减退许多，我还真以为我有那能力让你回心转意，只要我不再提起她的事，一切就会回到原状。只是每当你为她而做一些小事情的时候，都会如针刺一般的提醒我你有多爱她。我痛恨我的嫉妒心，也痛恨我那不体谅你心情的一面。只是认为你能够得到更好地对待。一心认为我才是明确的选择，后来才发现，你要的不只是一个爱你的人，你也要一个你爱的人。我想尽办法插入你和她之间，想要挑拨离间，但到头来你还是无语不动。大概是太低估你对她的爱吧，我无隙可乘。

千方百计的让你爱我多一点，原来那只会让你离我更远。你没有想要和我在一起的意思吧？我好像开始慢慢懂了。起初，我还以为我是特别的。就算不能和你在一起但起码知道你心里有我，凭着一点，我胜过其他人。最起码我还能听见你说你想我。但我对你甜言蜜语，起码我还能得到回应。可是最静，我再也得不到认同了，而你也承认你装做看不到。知道我心有多痛吗？因为这说明了我在你心目中的位置，说明了我和其他喜欢你的人没两样，都得到同样的对待。

但在我下这结论的同时，你还是对我有所关心。我该怎么办？很想很想问你现在的我，到底站在你心的那一边？友情还是爱情？你的心我永远猜不透，摸不着。关于你的事情我一无所知。是你内向的关系吗？我好像和你回到过去，回去那甜蜜的日子。。

在我回去之前，不要离开我好吗？

感情的付出不是真心就会有结果，多情的人注定伤的比较久。太适合我了吧？

华语应该就很cool, 不过新加坡人的华语听了就想哭

2008-08-03T10:39:00.000-07:00

其实我的也好不到哪里去。很欠扁吧！哈哈。

突然有一股想打中文的冲动，所以就算没什么好说的都会勉强写几句。
最近的我过的很无奈，每天七早八早就得起床赶去上班。下班的时候都已经9点多了，根本就没办法好好的休息。其实2个星期前我的美人骨就开始觉得怪怪的，本来想看医生问个究竟的说，但是根本就没那时间，所以只好忍着。星期日头开始晃晃的，怎知道第二天早上在家晕倒了。真不知道我到底出了什么事所以终于看了医生。他说，我头晃晃的是因为我没有充足的睡眠和压力的关系而导致头晕的。至于美人骨会一坐就痛是初步怀疑它有裂痕所以要我去照个X光，说什么如果真的有裂痕我有可能得住院。超麻烦的因为我还得特地请多一天假但是由不知道我哪一天才可以放假。我只有无奈这两个字可说。

其实嘛，我想说的是，我很想好好的休息，去做些我想做的事情。我的每一天都奉献了给公司，每一天11个小时做同样的动作，招待客人，税负她们这些肥婆她们是穿的近的，对这无理的三八也得嬉皮笑脸的对这她们我真的受不了。所以我很希望17好早点来临而31好永远都不要到。

我是真的感到很厌倦。。我需要平静

2008-08-02T10:10:00.000-07:00

她做了她覺得對的選擇
我只好祝福他真的對了
愛不到我最想要愛的人
誰能還要我怎樣呢
我愛的人不是我的愛人
他心裡每一寸都屬於另一個人
他真幸福幸福得真殘忍
讓我又愛又恨他的愛怎麼那麼深
我愛的人他已有了愛人
從他們的眼神說明了我不可能

2008-07-23T08:46:00.000-07:00

点解今日无打俾我既？

我好褂住你。。

It's been long

2008-07-01T22:18:00.001-07:00

如果，我唔再。。

叫你傻猪，on左都无同你倾，唔再打俾你，唔再讯息你，blog同xanga都唔再提起你，唔再无时无刻都褂住你，唔再为你而喊，唔再想起你的笑容而傻笑，唔再7点半起身，唔再放工后赶番屋企，唔再为左同你倾多5分钟都唔mind番工次到。

你会唔会问都唔问，连挽回的念头都无，就当我从此消失，o羊都无发生过？

又或者，有一个锺意我既女仔一直系我范围出入，对我大胆表示爱意。

你会唔会担心而希望我唔会对你变心，唔再同hui来往？定系你会同我讲你替我高兴，要我同hui发展？（你最好唔好o甘讲）

But well well well, 呢d都系念下姐。唔使o甘认真o既。。

超级乞人憎

2008-06-23T08:46:00.000-07:00

你可唔可以唔好再对hui o甘衰？你整伤左hui你知唔知？点解你可以对hui好似一d都唔关心？我个心真系好痛。边有人o甘对待女朋友咖？人地爱护gf 你做紧d o羊啊？除左呢2年既感情我真系好想知你仲有o羊野好。我唔明点解你可以o甘冷淡，你既行为简直无可理解。我虽然未听到你对hui好既时候，但系对女朋友好系天经地义咖。呢扑点计都系你唔am.

有的人说不清哪里好，但就是，谁都替代不了。
Is this what you want to say? I don't understand how you tolerate all this. I am really hurt to see this happening. But at the same time, there is nothing i can do but to feel bad for you. =(

ok i can't take this anymore

2008-06-20T12:22:00.000-07:00

This is my blog, i come clean here. Any passerby who happened to read it, keep your mouth shut and don't ask anything. Because this is my blog, i don't want to lock it or whatsoever just to avoid comments. Be civilized enough to do some respect here please.

You know this is for you. I don't want to type in chinese cos i can't express much.

Alright, i be totally honest here with you cos i don't see any reason to not be true anymore. Since we've come to this stage where we are so helpless, i might as well just grab this chance to express.

Right from the beginning when the feeling grow, i knew this is wrong. But i couldn't care much because your girlfriend is one of the reason why i want to bring you away. You know you deserve someone better. Fine, yes. The both of you is together for 2 years +, so what? Ok fine again, it isn't that easy to let go a two years relationship despite the fact that she did soemthign terrible twice. You still don't want to let go. OK!! That is your choice i don't want to comment further.

I know i am selfish to keep wanting you to so called give me a status. It is not that i don't know you don't feel good. I know that you don't feel good saying things that i say because of your gf. That is why whenever i say those things, all you answer is "嗯“. All this i know and i understand. But why am i so upset isn't because you are always giving me the same reply, i am upset because i don't even know if you want to hear those things. Knowing that you have your reasons for not responding is one thing, wanting to hear them is another thing. If you enjoy me saying those things to you but you can't reply me, let me know. So that i know at lease that you want to hear them. At lease i know i am not doing all this alone here. It takes two hands to clap.

I am trying very hard and my very best to play by the rules of this game. Pardon me as i am raw in this. I have never gotten into this kind of relationship before and so do you yes i know. Honestly, i just want you to open up and tell me what would you like me to do. I do find myself annoying too when i kept feeling this way. I really want to bring you away but as i said, a part of me don't want to.

It hurts so so much when i see you type those words. I admit i neglected your feelings when i said those things just now. I seriously don't want to put any pressure on you because i know you don't feel good yourself too. But it still comes back to the same thing, I just want you to open up and tell me what you want and not me doing whatever i feel like and you don't know how to respond and then try to move on to another subject. I know you are just trying to make things better by doing so. I am sorry for not showing my appreciations by bringing it up again. I mean, i was waiting for your answer for so long but you dont seem to be going into the topic again that i s why i brought it up again. I just want to get it done. Get what i mean? I am so sorry i made you upset.

And it is the stupidest question to ask me if i want to end things, Honey you know clearly how much you mean to me and you ask yourself, do you want to let go of me? No. So don't ask me that question anymore alright? Each time you do that, it just makes me feel like you're ready to let go. Which hurts to see that happen.

好多野讲，好多野想表达

2008-06-19T08:20:00.000-07:00

其实唔知想唔想俾你睇到呢个post. 因为我有好多野想打但系又怕你会觉得我特登o甘写。点都好，希望你唔会有受到影响就得喇。

原本3日前就应该blog左，但系同傻猪倾得太入神所以索性唔打仲好。唔知点解，睇完hui个xanga之后，一直有冲动要ai hui老婆/baby. 如果你明点解我会有呢种症状你就明啦。我真系好懒得去解释。又唔知为何，我简直当hui系我gf o甘。真系心里只有hui, 我所可以讲既，念既都只系hui. I know this sound a little crazy but, come on. Pardon me cos i am madly in love.

我地几乎日日早见晚见，感觉上好似我地住系一齐o甘。朝朝睇hui番学，等hui放学。虽然得个cam，但系o个种feel都几真实下。唔知对hui系咪已经到到爱的阶段，周不时会有要同hui讲声 “我爱你”既冲动。我知好唔因该但系唔讲我又觉得好无奈。但其实事实系唔讲会好d. 但系睇到你复个“嗯”字我就真系心痛。呢3个字讲出口唔系因为要你讲同样既野。只系想你知我爱你。但系有时心里某处系几o甘希望你会讲d令我觉得确实d野。

其实，我最想知既系，我系你心目中系o羊位置？除左我，仲有无其他人？你对我有无我对你5分以上？你对我系玩既定系认真既？我真系好想知道答案。

老实讲，我睇到你facebook有"chat"仲要系girls only我就即刻沉晒。我心里不停同我讲我唔可以o甘衰，我应该信你同俾你自由。但又念起我地都系o甘而识然之后发展到呢度个心就唔安乐。好怕你会同其他人暧昧。同你倾左o甘耐，你次次“嗯“的时候。真系唔知你系因为你gf定系你唔feel.

我唔系觉得辛苦，其实你令我好开心。o甘大个女，第一次真正识得满足。I think i just need some assurance from you. Tell me about your feelings towards me. Tell me when you are jealous, dont "haha".

2008-06-13T08:46:00.000-07:00

傻猪会做我傻猪几耐？寻晚争d就玩完。好采e+一切雨过天晴。但系今日觉得hui有d冷淡。好似唔系好想同我倾计o甘。我真系唔知点算好。好想改写寻晚的经过。呢几日我真系过得好开心。好似又番番以前初恋o甘。我知个形容词有些少幼稚，但真系有o个种feel啰。可惜，我永远得唔到hui. 我知我应该自助，唔好再盼望o甘多。慢慢啦！我知hui锺意我就够令我好开心咖喇。

加油吖区卓欣！！！

好心好报

2008-06-05T08:57:00.000-07:00

我知首歌有d旧依然表达得出我e + 0既心情。

好心好报 - 方力申与Stephy.

落力為你好　得不到分數 　
你決定要跟他日後同步　　
他不懂愛惜你　我樂意操勞

我決意愛他　祝我愉快吧　　
你最明白我痛極亦留下　　
傷得很重也不怕　我願意等他

還看著你（他會感動嗎）　　
看你在懸崖走路（他亦跑掉嗎）　　
他卻放下你只照顧自己

我慣了愛他你怎樣做　　在懸崖還是我無退路

對你好　無人稀罕我好 　　
無人欣賞我好　原來你習慣他一套　　
從來沒有愛我　看得清楚我知道
不必得到　不妨陪襯　但願為你好
他　從來都比你差　仍然死心愛他　　
垂頭再度聽他欺詐　
期求他說愛我　　
為何尚未等到　可能這秒時辰未到

是受罪也好　聽聽你哭訴 　　
你說難過總比分手更好
我說幾多的女主角　也受過煎熬

情況壞到（他也許做到）　　
你信任來年一日他答應做到（他也許做到）
通通都做到

我也似你的無從勸告　　寧願犧牲都不願卻步

對你好　無人稀罕我好 　　
無人欣賞我好　原來你習慣他一套　　
從來沒有愛我　看得清楚　我知道 　　
不必得到　不妨陪襯　但願為你好

他　從來都比你差　仍然死心愛他　　
垂頭再度聽他欺詐　而明知你愛我 　　
我竟扮未知道　好人　恕我未能做到

你當我是知己　我看得到 　　我當你是一生前途
幾次也是沉迷麻目　控制不到
怎麼好都等不到

怎去做　無人珍惜我好 　　
無人喜歡我好　原來要學會他一套　　
從來沒有　吻過　記得清楚　我知道　　
不必得到　不妨陪襯　但願為你好

好　從來都知你好（未夠好）　　
為何他不夠好（我不夠好）　　
回來我又與他擁抱
仍然相信我會　有好心得好報 　　
可能　到某日會知道

可能答案以够明显
但我沉迷到选择肤浅
愿意为你失去睡眠
日日为你写歌写诗
要你对我爱意增添

So!!

2008-05-18T02:36:00.000-07:00

I was suppose to be up at 630 this morning to go for breakfast with mama and go to jst together. It was suppose to be a surprise but i've already told her i am going to have breakfast with her but apparently she didn't wake me up and maybe missed the uniform hanging there. So when i wake up this morning it was already sun shining at my butt (Right, that is impossible). So i didn't go jst in the end cos i was suppose to yam cha with dad which i wish i didn't cos he was having mood swing to the max that caused the atmosphere damn awkward. (I suspect that my brother told him about the nursing thingy). But auntie Tinas said that he was like that out of a sudden. Whatever. Not my business anyway.

So, the event after that was pissingly fucked up. We went to collect the lights for their new house. Fuck it seriously. When we got to the house, Oh.my.fucking.god. It is reasonably big yet Claudia was whining all about how much she doesn't like the house cos it is small. What the fuck please. The house in newton is smaller than the one in Queensway!! She have a fucking bedroom and a study room all to herself. With air con in every room as she requested. CHAO CHEE BYE. Honestly i have the urge to give her one tight slap. Come on la ok, your parents is earning fucking money to provide you everything yet there you are not appreciating it. Take a look at my fucking storeroom-converted-to-bedroom and lets see what you have to say. I bet you can't even survive living in that storeroom for one night so you can keep your fucking mouth shut. I don't care how chee bye my dad is but whatever Claudia is enjoying now is suppose to be mine. I am the one who is suppose to have a fucking proper room on my own. Having a maid and a fucking 40 inch Tv NOT YOU!! But all thanks to your mother you have what you have now and she being called 区太 instead of my mum.

Maybe it is the time of the month

2008-05-15T08:48:00.000-07:00

I don't know what's gotten into me but i just became emo out of a sudden. Maybe it is the time of the month. So today, i wanna talk about friends.

I really thank God for placing certain people in my life to mould me into a better person. I know i was a fuck-up bitch who thinks i can rule people. You know? Ordering people around? Yeah that's what i do. I know in primary school, barely a few people wants to be my friend. Because i had bad temper and i was loud and still am. So what i did was actually buy friends. Yes, i thought i finally made really good friends until i start to realise that this two friends only come to me when they want to get something and knowing that i will definitely buy for them. Then out of the blue, this classmate of mine wants to go arcade with me after school and wants to take neo prints. I paid for everything of course. Then i met this group of friends in primary 6. They were really nice and stuff and that only happens when we are out in a group. In times like i want to go talk with either one, none of them will stay and i actually have to bride them with like, money and food then they will stay. But i have no choice because i have no other way making friends.

In secondary school, i tried to keep close with this bunch of pri school friends but they really don't bother calling me when they go out. So i forget about them too. Just meeting up once in a while to act like we are still close but we are obviously not. What finally make me realise they are definitely the ones that i can count on. Cos you see right, there is this girl called P. She is like the richest of us all after my mum closed down the shop. So there was once i had some trouble with some fucking bitch that involves money, so that day i met them because i don't want to go home. So i told them about what happened to me and surprisingly they actually avoided me cos they thought that i want to borrow money from P. I was like, what the fuck? Why do you think i want to borrow money and that didn't come across my mind from her. And Even if i want to, do you really have to avoid me? Just tell me that you don't have the money la. Right? However, thank god for one of them that i got to know Lex.

She is the one that had gone through ups and downs with me until now, although thing isn't the same anymore, our friendship is still as strong. At lease i know that in any circumstances, she wouldn't betray me. I know she loves me like that and i do too. I really love her. She accepts every little inch of me. From good to bad, she takes it all. Knowing that i am someone who doesn't know how to cut short my story, can take 5 minutes to tell a simple experience, she still listen to me. Although sometimes they seems to ignore me but at lease they know i will get hurt like that.

Maybe i should start being firm and be myself. Don't do anything that doesn't goes with my heart. Yeah.

Another emo post.

2008-05-08T08:46:00.000-07:00

You know this is for you.

I totally agree when you said we should get back together cos whatever we had together was great. How could i agree less since that's what we both always say and we know best ourself how true this is. But honestly, i don't know how far this can bring us to. I told you i want to settle down and no more fooling around. I feel that, we are just trying to pick up from where we stop and continue and refusing to consider the fact that everything had change. Back then, we and i are cool shit. Now, we can't be like the past anymore.. There is so much more to consider like, peers, future, parents, financial and yada yada. You and i have different aspect so it really takes alot of us to really go into this long relationship. I know this will be the same if i be with a guy but honestly, there isn't so much to think about then. AHHH. fuck it. I have totally no idea how to bring it out in a way that you can see it from my point. To make things simple. I did not reply your messages and phone calls is because i have been really thinking about us and conclude that i am not really keen on getting back. NOT because i don't love you anymore, but don't want to spoil what we had. I feel that in our case, once is enough. I love you so much because we've gone through things together and we're back to friends again so i so cherish you.

P.S. Nomatter i overcome my fears and doubts towards guys or not, i think i'll still remain straight. Really really wish you understand i do love you as a friend. Just like S. =))

A thoughtful post

2008-04-28T06:53:00.000-07:00

So, a mixture of uncertainty and frustrates in my head. Thing is, recently, i have been thinking about my job (nursing). Nothing happened, i am just thinking about it, giving it a thought IF that's REALLY what i wanna do. I always wanted a 9-5 job or at least a less stressful occupation. So why i chose Nursing instead of some other courses? Alright, not pushing blames around, just stating the maybes. Nursing was actually the only course my brother and i was discussing about, like how far i can go and yada yada. I myself isn't sure if that's really what i wanted but i decided to go with it since it sounded great and most probably the most Noble job an ITE student could obtain. But as i said before, Nursing isn't like any other course/job. You can't do it without the passion and patience. If you are not mature or stable enough, is is very difficult for you to sustain. However, why am i talking about all this and that? Because i realise i don't have the patience and maturity to go further. I find it a chore and it sucks when you can't feel for the patient. I always feel that i am suited for something else, like photography or something. Something not as stressful and formal. I don't know, this sucks. I can't talk about it to my family members cos i don't think they will understand and all that they might think about is that i am finding excuse not to go school or i am too old to waste anymore time.

But honestly, i am feeling very tired. Despite the fact that i can talk day and night about the hospital, it's just talks i realised. I kept wanting to venture to another side of the field to experience. I mean, for all you know, nursing may be the lease thing that suits me (as many think so) or vice verse. I don't know man. I hope i can look into my future so i will know what to should choose.

2008-04-22T10:38:00.000-07:00

Right, so i'm down with two days of MC and it's almost killing me. I felt so terrible and i have the urge to push my hand down and clear all the rubbish in there. I look like i'm fucking pregnant!!

Anyway, it has been quite sometime and I've turned straight and I'm kind of already settled into it. Some may think that i will change again and this will never end but i really wish you keep those comments to yourself. I mean, after all, no matter what i do, i am a girl after all and that's the fact no one could deny. I don't understand why it bothers you so much that i am still on the pathway searching for my status. I mean, you ain't really a friend after all then why do you comment so much like as though you were some best friend of mine? I feel that it is a joy that at lease i want to turn straight and at lease i attempted. Why do you have to get so upset about this issues, seriously. Isn't so that a joke out of myself or something, in no way i was interfering or causing any discomfort to your circles of connections and most importantly, you.

So please, stay out of my business and don't try to spread nasty rumours or comments about me because it reflects how narrow and ignorant you are towards lesbianism. You still have much to learn, sweetheart.

Saturday is the best day!!

2008-04-19T10:07:00.000-07:00

For those who don't know, my attachment had started and, it is going on fine. Kind of boring tho cos team 1 has not much of things to do so, pretty much of slacking around if it is afternoon shift. But when it comes to morning shift, your legs could break. Seriously, you have to walk up and down the ward in a fast speed and, i guess the ward's about 60 meters, no kid. Anyway, EC always make my heart skip a beat when she's 2 feet away from me. HAHA

I'm like desperately in need of money so if you have any backup jobs like event or whatever, please inform me. i can work during weekends or weekdays after 3.

800 in two months. OHMYGOD.

2008-04-08T10:03:00.000-07:00

I shall just blog since i have nothing to do. Actually, i'm waiting for my show to load. haha.

Anyhow, just got back home after "work", cos it's my off day but i've decided to just go down to HV. Seriously, doing nothing and just chill there is damn fun (if my homie's working). HAHA. We had our first homie's outing (with emme cos she's not working today =(( )at Swensen's after work cos Peining says she want to eat cake. Ice cream makes us HAPPY!! right Adri? hee

It would be a long day tmr cos we're going to clean and so called renovate our shop, it's damn cramp la. So exciting!! We said to skate tmr after the gate's close but now the problem is, i can't find my skateboard. Did my mum threw it away or i subconciously threw it away during spring cleaning this year? I don't know man, i hope to find it under my brother's bed tmr. CAN'T WAIT!!!!

Attachmen's starting Next monday and it's so scary. I really hope i do well this time. Really.

Back

2008-04-03T11:45:00.001-07:00

You can't stay in there anymore cos you won't remember a thing.

*Currently torn and broken

People!!

2008-03-29T10:40:00.000-07:00

First of all, i have to say it's fucking COLD in here (The Internet room in my hotel). It has only 1% in difference compared to a freezer. I am so not exaggerating, i swear.

Anyhow, i am in Bangkok now, having fun and i did my _. Shall review after i come back. HAHA. Somehow, i feel like i came back home instead of coming here for a holiday, and once again, I'M IN LOVE WITH THAILAND!! Each time i come here, i love this place more and more. The smile that everyone gives me is just incredible. =))

Let me talk about what happened today, extremely embarrassing but i still want to blog it out. We were in Chatuchat this noon and what happened was that I lost my friends cos i wondered too far away and by the time i went back to the shop they were initially at, they were gone. Whoa. So the big deal was, I cried!! I fucking hell-ly cried. Not the very emotional type but i was sobbing out loud. Simply because, i couldn't find them and my phone battery choose to die on me just when i needed it. Fine, blame in on my luck then. But thank god for Lovely Singaporean who borrowed me his phone to make that one call. They didn't want to help me at first which force me into tears and that was when he said ok rather than some Hongkong mother fucker who refuse to hear me out. Come on man, aren't you suppose to help your fellows? A hongkonger doesn't help a Hongkonger. Suck shit man, seriously. BLEAH!!

Whatever, i miss my homies and my Ice Milo Kosong. It's like a BEST drink ever and my best friends forever (my homies).

Alright, gotta go cos it's going to be a long day tomorrow. And, where are the people whom i am supposedly be chatting online with now? where wheRE WHERE??

2008-03-21T19:54:00.000-07:00

Ok, so i'm living in Punggol now. I know i have said it a thousand times but still, i'm fascinated and troubled by the travellings. Dear god, every time i need to head out, it's a long long journey. I wonder why is Singapore so big out of a sudden, Seriously. Hahaha. Can you imagine if there's no Purple line? I would have to.. forget it. Just the idea of it makes me sick.

My cousin's really lovely, they are so cute!!! No wait, not really of that, maybe, childish? HAHA. i mean, they are always fighting to be the first, then the loser would be pouting for 5 seconds and they will start fighting again. It really makes you want to laugh, seriously. Sometimes you find them annoying cos too much of assessive talking of craps have been done, but some question they ask you is like, "oh my god, come over here and let me hug you." Get it? haha. Cute two.

So basically, Step up 2 The Street is, hypnotizing. It's like a, " BOOM!! " right in my face. Drools, seriously. Should catch it. wink, ? (haha)

out of a sudden

2008-03-16T07:03:00.000-07:00

I feel sick being who i am.

2008-02-25T20:45:00.000-08:00

Alrighty, it's been long i know. But honestly, its been a chore trying to keep up blogging everyday, not like everyday is not the same, i mean, everything is on routine. Sigh, guess i;m getting bored again and i am going to start isolating myself again. Which is much like the case now cos i have been ONLY working, and the rest is in school. So, what else can i do?

Anyway, we (me and Emma, the next-shop-girl) met this lady name Terry during lunch two days back and she's cool. Seriously, we just merely join table cos it's lunch time and we started conversing!! About life, future, religion, interest, government and kids. I was mesmerized by the whole session, i mean, talking to a stranger about your point of view towards what the socialty now dare not speak about, we have totally no obligation between. She also unfold some inner thoughts / issues humans think about, but chunk it aside because the world has much important things to do. One point she talked about being "freak-out". About we, need to freak out and we cannot sub press our feelings and not care about it, because at the end of the day, it will force it's way out of you in a way you may not imagine. I think it's so true, we can't really freak out cos of the environment, people here don't practise that at all. Their normal procedure is to swallow it down and delete it from their visual mind, hoping it doesn't pop back often enough to make them stubble. Whereas in America, they freak out everywhere even in the office and people respect them for that. But trust me, try doing that in Singapore to get a "Bad tempered" in your report. And even if you don't freak out in the office, can anyone knowledge me with place we can go to freak out yet no one would think you are crazy and no one would judge you from then? I really want to go to this place, which i highly doubt Singapore endure places like this. Other than the hills and etc, you know. Maybe that is why Singaporeans are impatience, that might be a symptom for not being able to freak out, you know? You might get fine!! (HAHA).

So she suggest we retire in other country because Singapore is only motivating us to die earlier. HAHA. I don't know if i do agree to that but it's quite funny.

What i've wrote all this while

2008-01-30T08:25:00.000-08:00

1st.
I don't need a ring nor a necklace
I don't need money to quench my thirst
There is only one source
To fulfil my hunger, my thirst and emptiness
Please don't shut cos it will hurt like a deep cut
You're so adorable, that i can't fight the urge to hold
So would you please ____ __
Give us a chance to see
The love we're yet seed.

2nd
Oh dear! I need grace
Somehow i can't fight the craze
The motion of her has been puton play
I have been looking her way
Hoping i could look at her and gaze

But i know nothing about her
She doesnt even know how it occured
It must be absurb, to know i'm in love
With this girl i dreamt with in a concert

How do i let her know, each day my love will grow
And hoping she like it so
I don't care how cliche or what others say
Please hear what my heart has got to say
"____ __, i'm so in love with you"

3rd
You may think a thousand ways about me, thinking i might did it to someone else before, or you are just some other girl whom i like. Right now, i want to assure you that you are the only only one i am putting effort in. I dont want to compare you with my ex-es. Because i know i am totally different now. I'm all in a serious mode. You are not just some other girl that i like, you are way more special than that. There are many girls whom i find possibilities with, but none of them triggers my motivations to take a step further with them. Because i can't sense the happiness i'll get. But i always picture you and me. Please don't freak out, in a sweet and proper way tho. For a certain reason, you gave me this comfort which i can't find on any other people. You are the only one i always picture holding hands or having dinner with. Just the simple-and-sweet feeling. I might be thinking too much on my own that you might like me too. If you do, I'm on my way to cloud 9 now, but if that's jsut the way you are, i hope to bring you closer to me, so tha ti can experience more of this comfort. Maybe there is some differences between us, buti hope we could put them aside, because when we are together, i just want that relac and crazy love to be present. I just want to be with you.

4th
How can i combat all the words i wanna say into one short and simple sentence? Will "I'm crazy about you", or "Can i hold you?" express the exact amount of anxiety in my heart? Could you experience the full impact of my desires? To be honest, i wasn't at far east yesterday. I was in PS and i alighted at orchard. Because i want to go home with you. I wanted to walk you home, but i don't know how should i offer, so i jst sat there, stuck on the chair. BUt the journey itself was enjoyable. I knwo this is silly but i can't stop smilling. UNtil waiting for your reply for a long time. What should i do? I can't call you, that would be freaky. But i can't msg you again neither, that would be so annoying. Oh god, what should i do? Probably there isn't anything to do huh? And that annoys the most.

5th
Maybe this is why people say "Love makes one lose control" This is so true. Day and night i can't stop thinking about you and i even dreamt about you. This is totally crazy. How long can i hold this? I am hoping to do my confession on valentine's day. But i was thinking, cani wait till then? I can hardly control my won emotions now and at any moment i just want to scream!! Ob viously i can't do that and i won't do that. And my other concern, what if you don't like me? Then i can't ask you that question.

Can't find an excuse to start a text message, so i just daze in the air and stare. I wonder what more can i say because i', starting to repeat myself, which wouldn't make much sense to you. But everyday, I just want ot write, write down every single detail of my condition, HO ei think of youat all times, how emo i can get just thinking of you. Then it continues into my dream, which causes me to wake up later cos i want to continue those dreams. PLease don't find me strange cos that's the only way i can "see" you.

Now i think again, what if you rejects me since you have never been in a relationship before and i'm so sure there's people liking you before. So since you wouldn't accept others, i wouldn't be that special case. Then i want to get close to you so that at lease you my company would make you feel comfortable. But, other than working, i don't have a good reason to ask you out right? And why would you go out with my anyway.

Ever since you never reply me that night, i didn't smile much. It was like, i don't want to do anything. I don't even want to move. That is how it was like. And it is still going on. Other than i'm actually taking the effort writing it down.

____ __!! Can't you message me? Is it like a sign telling me it is impossible?

My god!! I so want to get drunk and not htink about anything.

6th
You're not replying me at all. This is so annoying . Why are you not replying? Are you finding me a nuisance now? And that you're understanding why am i messaging you all the time? Yes, as a friend and a colleage, it is rather irritation to message all the time. I can't blame you but neither can you nlame me. I just want to talk to you, to laugh and stuff. But you're not replying me at all. So you always reply so slow? Or it is just me that you ain't replying?

How can i sleep peacefully at anight? What should be done to reframe myself from checking my phone? Shall i just give all out and just tell you that i like you? Or should i actually just stop bothering you? But how can i give up so easily? You're rare and i want to cherish you. I don't exactly know what i want, since you've never been in a relationship before, i don't want to ruin you by making you crook and i don't really want your first relationship to be with a girl. Oh my god!! This is getting crazier each day and all i want is just to see you reply.

7th
One moment wih you
that is all i need
To confess my heart
And let it be known

It's becoming oblivious that i can't hold on anymore
Can't stand the fact i'm not the one you;re missing
Yet you're all i can think of every single moment

I don't like the way i get upset cos you dind't reply
I don't like the moment i wanna flare cos i get so frusrated
Why cant you feel it that i want youre responce?

If a message from you can brighten me up,
Would you fo it?
If a walk back to your house could make me jump with joy,
Would you allow me?
I f a nod from you could make me the happiest one,
Would you accpet it?

I have a ton loads of questions to ask
But i'm so afraid that i t would send you away
I'm feeling exhausted from all the thinking of possibilities
Just an assurance, that's all i need
But i can't even find a chance to talk to you
Then how can i make my first move?
I just wan to talk to you
I just want a conversatoin
So i can tell you how i'm handling all this affections

This is what i wrote for her. There's actually many things i planned. LIke, how i should i ask her out on valentine's day to watch P.S I love you. I think i should stop here. It's making me feel damn terrible. The thought of it, i can't hear her name, i can't see her name and i can't see her, cannot even think of her look. All this is driving me crazy.

2008-01-29T07:48:00.000-08:00

An empty room with a caged window to the grey sky, that what i want now.

Love songs are never meant for me

2008-01-27T10:14:00.000-08:00

Not much people's coming to my blog so i don't mind typing this down. I actually cried trice today, for her. Once at the shop, i just couldn't control those tear so i let it roll. The 2nd time was at the bus stop, i was listening to my mp3 and "Why don't you kiss her" was playing again. I sob. The last time, was the most hurtful one i guess, i didn't expect myself to really cry it out loud. I hope someone out there can testify with me the agony and aching. It really hurts, really really hurts.

It has been a long time ago since i last did it. Buying chocolates and meet her in the middle of the night just to pass it to her and stuff. But i actually did it again just yesterday. All i wanted to do was meet her and pass her the chocolates and that is all. But she didn't even give me that chance to say anything. End up i stayed over at faynat's house and we ate the chocolate. It's very lame i know, but hello, i feel the pain eating them alright. It meant to be hers, yet i have to eat them cos i know i won't get a chance seeing her anytime soon.

Are you hurting me or am i hurting myself?

Everything is pissing me off

2008-01-25T08:04:00.000-08:00

I was having a very good mood this after, i was drawing (again) i was smiling at every customer and saying "Hi!! the second peice is 50% off!!". I was enjoying the afternoon sunlight and 98.7 was playing really nice songs. So i was in a great mood infect. Until evening time when Pauline start coming to irritate me again. Pauline is this primary 3/4 girl whose mum works at the hawker center. This small little girl, is very rude and she just won't stop irritating you. When you pat her head she goes "OUCH!!" and hit you real hard. Like, wtf?? And then she starts asking you this and that question like who are you drawing? Why you draw your friend? AARRRGGG!! So right after she does that to me again, i tuned to bad mood almost immediately. I thought i calmed down alot until i came home. My mum was like, "Take out your lunchbox or it'll turn smelly." I thought i brought it to the kitchen but apparently i left it in my room. Don't know why but my mum flip open the curtain and she saw the lunchbox, then she goes again "Told you to bring it to the kitchen and you won't do it. I see when will you take it out again. I am keeping quite i tell you, recently i have been keeping quite. I won't talk about it i tell you, i want to see when will you bring it out. I won't talk." Then what are you doing may i know? You talked to much recently yet you said that you are not talking much? Is that a joke?

2008-01-24T08:12:00.000-08:00

I feel like an EMO machine right now. Everyday i'm just fucking writing and drawing. How long am i going to write or draw? Am i even going to give them to her? Why am i wasting my ink and and eraser? I am a nurse, not a writer nor an artist, so why am i doing all things other than revising my nursing handbook?

OHMYGOD!! I just want to have a moment of peace, i just want to clear my mind of things and let my eyebrow rest. I have been frowning so much that i think they are about to join together. I don't know what is wrong with me. WHY AM I SO EMO NOW?

Last time i remember walking home from Jelita was when i wanted to be along and think about my spiritual walk. Now i'm walking home from Holland to think about her? What is wrong with me?

See this is my situation, i like her and she doesn't know. I message her and she doesn't reply me. I am about to cry thinking about it and she doesn't have the faintest idea of it. I get upset when my received message wasn't from her and obviously she wouldn't message me for nothing. She doesn't like me but i do. She doesn't think of me that way but i think of her 24/7. She goes out laughing with her friends but i was sulking.

I want her to be part of my life but not in this way. Not in this hurting way. What should i do? Everyone said i should tell her and let her know, at least i tried. BUT HOW AM I EVEN GOING TO TELL HER THAT I HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY? She won't even reply me remember?

Everyday i think of how it would be like walking her home, how fast and hard my heart will beat when i first try to hold her hand, how crazy i would look like on my way home after that cos i can't help smiling. I just kept thinking about all this and i can only think. THINK AND THINK AND THINK. THAT'S ALL.

NICOLEAU I REALLY CAN'T STAND YOU. YOU ARE MAKING YOURSELF AN NUISANCE AND IT'S GETTING ON MY NERVE. STOP BEING EMO!!!!!!!!!

2008-01-23T07:10:00.000-08:00

All i want is to stare into space and daze. I kept thinking about it, but, there isn't much things to think about. The only thing i can feel now is ache and numb. I can't operate because it's taking too much from me. It feels like my soul has been captured. I can't think and i can't breathe, every little inch i go into this emotion, my heart aches. Yet it seems like nothing could be done, nothing can help change for the better. Just why won't you reply me?

Ooh girl
I don't want nobody else
Without you theres no one left and
You're like Jordans on Saturday
I gotta have you and I can not wait now
Hey little shorty
Say you care for me
You know I care for you
You know that I'll be true
You know that I won't lie
You know that I will try
To be your everything

Jesse McCartney - Why don't you kiss her

We're the best of friends
And we share our secrets
She knows everything
That is on my mind
Lately, something's changed
As I lie awake in my bed
A voice here inside my head
Softly says

[Chorus]
Why don't you kiss her
Why don't you tell her
Why don't you let her see
The feelings that you hide
Cause she'll never know
If you never show
The way you feel inside

Oh, I'm so afraid
To make that first move
Just a touch and we
Could cross the line
And everytime she's near
I wanna never let her go
Confess to her what my heart knows
Hold her close

[Chorus]
Why don't you kiss her
Why don't you tell her
Why don't you let her see
The feelings that you hide
Cause she'll never know
If you never show
The way you feel inside

What would she say
I wonder, would she just turn away
Or would she promise me
That she's here to stay
It hurts me to wait
I keep asking myself

[Chorus]
Why don't you kiss her (tell her you love her)
Why don't you tell her (tell her you need her)
Why don't you let her see
The feelings that you hide
Cause she'll never know
If you never show
The way you feel inside
Why don't you kiss her

2008-01-20T11:42:00.000-08:00

I guess an occational drunk session is fine, it just helps me get my mind off stuff i'm vexing with. Anyhow, i can't wait to go Bangkok again!! Though it's gonna months later, but who cares. Time is known to missed before you notice right?

I should get some sleep soon so i won't waste most of my day. Mr Willingness, when are you ready to exercise?

2008-01-17T07:48:00.000-08:00

OH MY GOD!! I SWEAR I HATE THIS FEELING. THE UNCERTAINTY AND CONSIOUSNESS. OH DEAR, WHAT AM I SUPPOSE TO DO?

I have to go through all the emotions again. Am i sure that it is worth it? I know that saying, "try or you'll never know." But what if that try changes everything? I don't even dare to mention anything cos i am so scared that she will not talk to me the same way again. Somehow, i am always the one initiating the conversation, does that mean she don't feel any special way about me? What if she is testing me? But what if she's not? Oh my god!!! I can't stop thinking the way she laugh and her photo, oh my goodness. I can't stop smiling!!!!! NICOLE AU'S GOING CRAZY!!!!! I'M NUT!!!! NICOLENUT. HAHAHAHAHAHA. goodnight

2008-01-15T22:58:00.000-08:00

You know that i don't plan for spares. I won't wake up earlier then my desire time and i will only eat my desire amount. All this you know, but you are always asking me to do this and that last minute. Always cook me food even knowing i just ate. So what if it is vegetables only? Aren't they food? Isn't it that i still have to chew them and force them down my throat? I am not being non apprecitive here, just why can't you spare me? If i am free or hungry, obviusly i will eat them or do them right. How can you suddenly ask me to do housework or stuff like that when i am about to go out already? Or how can you ask me to eat again when i just finnish one packet of noodles and a bowl fo soup? If i were to ask you to do that, you will say that i am crazy and you are so not going to do that. Then are to crazy to ask me to do the same thing? You get mad at me when i don't want to eat your food, but you are always not eating me cookings too. So waht's the big deal that you have to throw your temper? What the fuck la ok.

2008-01-13T01:00:00.000-08:00

Life is back t square 1 = Work. haha. Been quite slack tho cos i'm working in holland. So not much of crowd but have been falling asleep cos it has been raining, the music is smoothing and the fan. Oh my goodness, bring me a bed please. haha.

actually i have nothing to blog about. Just feel like typing something down here to move a little bit of my blog.

2008-01-04T11:11:00.000-08:00

I wonder if anyone would ever stay in my life for long or, does anything last for long? Nothing in my life last for long. Be it friendship, relationship or passions, it can't hold on for long. Where's the problem and what's the matter? Am i the problem?

I read through my previous post and diaries, then i try to play back those days. Which are the days i hang out with yada yada, when was it that i have been alone for that period of time.

Maybe i'm just C.M.I to the max. That is why i'm a failure in friendship and relationship. I can salvage nothing. Nothing with me last long.

Who say so that as long as you are true and loving, love will come to you? Who says it's true? I say it's fake, it's a lie and it's a trap. It makes you give in all of you and you get hurt in return. When time is up, love will walk out the door and there will be nothing you can do. I've experience it all.

That is why i always say to myself, the best is still to believe in yourself and rely on yourself. For you won't be disappointed or discourage when things don't turn out the way people promised it to be.

You just shouldn't trust in anyone other than yourself. I'm serious.

Yo world

2008-01-01T02:30:00.000-08:00

Don't know why but i ain't really that excited about 2008. Probably cos i know it will be almost the same as this year, other than all the sudden stops and commotion. Other than that, i guess my life will just be the same. Whether will it be a meaningful and a fulfilling year or just a year to pass, it really depends on how i organise my days and how disciplined i am to follow it.

Anyhow, i haven been blogging because i have been staying at home this few days. Other than Christmas countdown and new year countdown. Spent it all with Mumbo people. They're a fun bunch of people. HAHA. Tho they're quite meng but still, they're fun.

I don't know because i haven been thinking for my 08's resolution. It has became a habit for me to think up thinks like this because for a christian, you'll often asked to think about it.

To be honest, i was thinking, that maybe i want a relationship. Then again, i was thinking, maybe at the end of the day, i can't be bothered again. Don't understand why but i don't seem to bother about people who happens to like me or something although i kind of badly want a relationship. HAHA. Maybe i'm so used to being alone and like, you know, doing things alone other then going out with friends. Days like off days or something, i'm used to plan staying at home, watching my Thai drama or something. Even if i do like someone (more like a crush actually), i won't think of asking that person out or even worse, i don't even bother taking the initiative to talk to her. Weird right? But i don't know, after all, all i want is a simple and sweet long relationship. Oh wells.

Don't want to blog already, dinner's up and i'm GONE!!

2007-12-20T22:27:00.000-08:00

I'm down with cough and flu and a slight sore throat. All passed by Faynat other than the cough. All her fault.

I haven been blogging right? I know. haha. so lame.

Don't know what happened to me but i am very very reluctant in blogging nowadays. Actually i've tried blogging a few times but somehow it went wrong while posting. So ain't my fault.

Anyhow, 17 days to school starts. That is really fast. Don't know why but i'm not excited about it at all. Maybe it is the fact that i wouldn't be in class JN0701E anymore, instead, i will be classmates with some other younger people. Oh god, let there be older people. Most importantly, not so much of malays please. Like my previous class, how many malays? and how little chinese? Oops.

Anyway, bangkok photos will be uploaded when i get it, which will be quite sometimes later.

2007-12-12T00:51:00.001-08:00

Happy birthday to me!! Yes i am officially 20 this year. I hope i could act my age. Actually honestly frankly speaking, i am not childish, just that i am sensitive and i voice out almost everything. Maybe that makes people feel that i can't think on my own and stuff. But another actually, though i ask how, and seek for solution most of the time, the actual fact is not that i don't know the solution, it is just that i am lazy to make up a choice on my own so i would like to drag someone down to join my sorrow. HAHA. Come to think about it, i don't speak when i'm really in trouble and seeking for solution. I don't move nor react to anything when i'm really sad or facing a problem.

I don't like to be emo and i can't be, that's not in my nature. So therefore, you see me jumpy and acting crazy most of the time. That is me, laughters, carefree. But i guess as you grow up within the years, you're losing those things. The purity that used to resident in us were gone. The world is forcing the them all out of us. Probably i've lose them to the crooks and wickedness of temptations in the world. Now that i realised how much i needed them and misses them, that is why i am act a little childish at times, but take note, i am not.

Now, i'm living like my age. I have to get down to business. Friends my age or my batch, some is already in uni, and look at me, what am i doing? ITE Year 1? Hahaha, what a joke i am.

Whatever it is, It's all about birthday that i want to say. A little off track, sorry. HAHA

Friends, i love you guys as much as i said i do. My birthday wouldn't be as enjoyable if you guys weren't here with me. I hope friendship could bring us far. i really really wish.

People who never wish me for whatever reason, face the wall and reflect. hahahah

I fould this is draft. HAHA

2007-12-07T07:03:00.001-08:00

As soon as a blink of an eye, one year is coming to an end. So fast, 2007 is ending soon. I remember last year, i said i hated 2006 and i would welcome 2007 will wide open arms. But as least expected, 2007 is even worse compared to 06.

Last year, i am still in secondary school, still enjoying myself, still having enougjh time to mug and play at the same time. Still going for training actively. I have the clique to spend my day with. Although it is only school, serene and town. But what we shared was incredible. I still have my best friend with me, crapping and laughing at the lamest thing. Doing nothing was our hobbie. I still had my long hair, although i cut it off due to that stupid mid-year (HAHA). Despite the fact that i was hurt by two girls who shared the same name, was kind of cheated by a girl whom i crazily crush, did not have a birthday party, i still miss 06.

Look back to 07's jan til now, i think my life is screwed. School word was unexpectedly tough for me, Clinical Lecturer was sure a pain in an ass. I lost good result to Netball an vice versa. I lost my best friend for lame reason. Although i have fayant as my very close and great friend, but she's going back to indo soon, which means i'm left with nothing again. Maybe i'm not meant to have best friends. Anyhow, I don't really like 07. I guess i have been emo-ing more than gladness.

Not that i mean anything by saying all this, i am just merely thinking about it.

From what we used to own, the chemistry we built, the bonding we accuminated, are now gone with pride and ego. It is general knowledge that friendship always last longer than relationship but we still let go of the will to substand this friendship. I know that noone can replace that occupacy you have in my heart. Because noone can even bring me the joy and carefree-ness i had when i was with you. And i know that no matter how much i loath you, you are still as important. Maybe what we are now are better for us.

I don't know when can our friendship last till, i feel that we are both trying hard to hold on to that closeness we used to have but i guess it is pretty obvious that we don't have that anymore. As much as i try, i feel that you are not putting in any effort in doing it. But no matter what, i will still be living up to my promise and do what i have always been doing. Like how i have been loving you. =))

Somehow you have influenced me into behaving in certain way. It isn't in my nature, so i guess after you're gone i will slowly transform into my old form and back to the old nicole again. And then i will start missing you like crazy cos i realise that many things remind me of you and when no one irritate me and no one talking-turn-shouting into my ear even when we are so close, no one accompany me at night or wherever i want to go. All this memories i will never forget.

Someone said before that success is not about how many friends you have, but it is about how many people remember your birthday and bother to wish you "Happy Birthday."

Uh oh, Birthday blues again.

2007-12-04T07:46:00.000-08:00

Ney's birthday was fun!! WOOHOO!! Not much pictures taken tho. I will upload it when i collect more of it.

Anyway, it has been busy and tiring for the past few days. Maybe not to the extreme but still quite tired. HAHA.

I was suppose to wake up at 0730 yesterday to get ready and reach Tsu's house by 9 but SORRY!! Woke up at 9!! But i reach at about 0950 so we went to collect the stuff and went back to her house. On the way, i was telling her about my dream, that i dreamt of the dance that we were teaching the day before. HAHA. Siao si ren i tell you.

Waited for everybody's arrival and we start doing Ney's birthday present. Naomi was damn jix i tell you. VERY JIX. She and Faynat can take part in Ji Dong Da Tiao Zhan already. (Like there's such show).

BBQ was fun but i couldn't eat much cos i was damn full. They were complaining that i was lazy, but the thing is, they took everything that was suppose to be done and there wasn't anything left for me to do. So cannot blame me.

Surprised Ney with games to her presents. Hope she likes it (which i think anyone would like it).

Ok, i am falling asleep soon. My eyelid's getting heavier and heavier. I will update the photos soon. Night world!!

2007-12-02T06:26:00.000-08:00

Zouk-ed with Tiffane and Minzhen.

Hello Orange =))

Lou, i miss you please!!

This is the only time i feel that my brother and i look alike. HAHA

Hello, pals.

I love my Buddy!!

Monsters??

I think Ney is damn cute here la. HAHA

See how high i am!!

Sorry was damn bored. HAHA.

Meet my CG-mate, May!!

Candles of promises.

Morning, Don't question my face.

Ohhh, My uh hmm and i. HAHA!!!

My goodness, SHE'S DAMN CUTE LA PLEASE!! Just like a BAOBEI.

Why la mummy? Bored?? haha

Hey you my BEST friend =)))

She wants me to join her. Fine.

Er, this is the horse from Turf Club.

My cousin, Long long. He is 12. Goodness la.

d his brother, Shen shen. 8 years old. ...

I am so so tired please. That i could just fall asleep right after closing my eyes. Have been involving in quite many things now. Just like tmr, Ney's bdae!! Olip Camp, Bdae chalet and Bangkok trip. My goodness. My mum just asked me if i want to help out in the Tzu Qing's camp and i told her "no, don't bother me." I am not being rude, just tired and want to rest. Badly want to. AMEN!!

Just want to upload some photos.

2007-11-17T09:15:00.000-08:00

Let's just give a quick sum up of events for this past few days. Basically working almost everyday in Cine. Off on wed and it was an outing with Kayminn, Ney, Debbie, Annabel and Becca. Sakae-d and i was damn full. Being as merciless and they always are, they decided to play Black jack. Losers have to eat up udon or sushi. I swear i was pregnant of sushi. Spent a wonderful time doing stupid stuff in Sentosa-without-sand. (According to Debbie). haha

Another off day will be today. Off work at 5 and went Vivo to meet Faynat and peeps. Got my stuff at Giant and went to Sentosa-without-sand to play cards again. Joined Mum and Matthew for dinner and Thai Xpress. Coolios please. Hahaha. THAILAND!!! BANGKOK!!! Anyhow, was suppose to watch Movie but we couldn't find a movie we three agree to so we decided to walk around ONLY. Not spending of money. HAHA. And here i am, Home. So comfortable. I want to slack!! No no, i NEED to slack. I deserve to slack. haha.

I feel that God have been trying to tell me something but i couldn't hear it clearly enough. The voice is muffled which cause me not catching anything. I know what is it about, but not know what to do about it. Because i felt that i tried many times and it failed. I don't want to try again because i don't know if i am ready for it or do i want it. I am afraid that i will hurt that person again. Sometimes i know that i am just over reacting and stuff? Sometimes i say things i don't meant and don't say what i feel. It is difficult to say it out, but i know it's true.

Dear Lord father,
I pray that you would let me feel your touch, let me know that i have you always. Remind me that i have you to lean on, you will give me courage and strenght. I feel that distance between us and i know that i am not making effort in improving it. Lord, help me in the willingness to read the bible and pray everyday, so that i can hear you. I know you have something to say to me. God, i need grace and patience. I need to feel secure. I need YOU.

My father, My friend

2007-11-11T09:57:00.000-08:00

Jesus, Jesus

No other name

No one the same like you

The truth, the life, the way

I came to realise that whenever i have the desire to blog, it would be the time i should cut my nails soon. It's getting long which means it's interfering me.

Let me tell you something. Two things.

First thing -
Service yesterday was DAMN DAMN DAMN POWERFUL LA PLEASE. The presence of the Holy Spirit was so strong that i couldn't stop my tear rolling. The feeling was unexplainable because i don't know why i cry. I just thought that i don't know what to do about my life (which i will explain later). God said that he want us to raise up to be leaders. Then i was thinking, what kind of leader can i be? A leader in my working place? Or a leader in school? Or a leader within peers. Then i was thinking, what would God's plan be for me to be who i am now. Wondering why can i click with people younger than me rather than people of my age or older. That was when i feel that i had spoil his plan many many times. I am sure he didn't mean to make me feel so odd and stuff? That was when i started feeling bad. I teared a little only. But the after effect... Whoa, indescribable. Just kept crying and crying. It is really amazing how God can make your heart so peaceful just right after pray.

Second thing-
My boss had offered to promote me to Manager. Maybe it doesn't surprise many of you as you think that This role can be easy to obtain as long as you have put in enough effort in completing your task or adding occasional surprise sales figure. Yes it is true. This are the criteria. But, to be frank with you, i have NEVER stayed in a job for more then three weeks in this whole of my life. I am sure i have never. But i stayed on for going to 4 months now. Come to realise it's actually quite little but it felt so long. haha. Anyway, my point is, i felt assured for the first time, i felt that i finally accomplished something no one have thought good of me in doing it. So obviously, i was overwhelmed and was so eager to accept the offer. But i have two matter to consider, 1st. My school. 2nd, Church. So after days of consideration and many times of fighting against my will to agree. I still wait until i talk to Peck and Lynette. And yes, the decision is finally made, that is to turn down the offer and go back to school next year. Although, that means i have to say byebye to my 1600 pay every month!! So sad!! BUT, what could be compared to the joy i will have while serving in church? Those fellowship time i have with my CG? The time to spend with GOD? NOTHING can be replaced. Seriously.

And Ame, i really want to grow with you. I am glad that you have include me in your plans. You are a blessing God gave me. You are "AWESOME!!" (Your favourite word).

Whoa

2007-10-30T10:48:00.000-07:00

It is 0149 now and i am still awake. I was suppose to be asleep and dreaming now cos it will be another long day tomorrow. But tonight, i just want to blog.

I guess this time GOD is getting into action to deal with me. He must be hurt to see me laying like this for too long, until he is handling things on his own. His work is so clear in my eyes that i can see it as thought it is solid. Yes, since i can't do it on my own, he is going to help me with it.

If you don't know what am i talking about, I'll tell you what it is.

I went church on Sunday (Like finally). As usual, i wasn't really opening my heart and my ears to let the word flow in me. Although i responded to altar call, it was just half-hearted. I just thought i shouldn't miss the chance since everything the pastor says fits my bill. So i responded just not to miss the chance.

It didn't take any effect on my until hours later while i was playing with Maurice (My psp). God suddenly struck me this vision, or goal. That i want to serve in church, i want to do well in church. That this is a time that i should really wake up and get started all over again with GOD.

So i told Peck about the calling and they (Peck and Dawn) prayed for me that i will seek GOD for help in times like temptations instead of fighting on my own. Cos it is proven many many times before that the devil's power level is 100 and mine's only 10. So confim will lose. So, in order to win, i need to find someone whose level is 100 times more than the tiny devil, which is GOD. YES AMEN!!

So anyway, i got rejected by this girl. Called ____. (For me to know and don't need you to find out. HAHA!) Which is a good thing? Cos i kind of like confessed to her on sunday before church and the callign was after that. I Don't know how to end this thing, cos i know that some corner in my heart, i still want to be with her. But now that she had rejected me, cos GOD disapprove it. I think it is really amazing!! Like, it is all GOD's doing. I prayed to him to help me in the area, he did. He answered my prayer. Cool right? Yes.

So anyhow, one thing is settled. There is another area that i need help in. Pastor talked about forgiving. And the first person i can ever think of is that thing. When i think of her, i don't know what to feel. To feel nothing, or to feel anger. Or the best, not feeling anything, cos i don't understand everything. But i know that i can't hate her forever, maybe some years later? I don't know. I'll just let GOD control.

Anyhow, i am SO SO excited about which ministry that GOD is going to put me in. I can't wait!! Cos i told him that he can put me in any ministry that he wants to place me in, be it i know or don't know that skills. Which means if he put me in some ulu panda ministry, i can learn new things. HAHA. So i am really really excited.

Alright, a nong nong post again. And i really really need to sleep. If not tmr no need to wake up already. Need to wake up DAMN early those kind la. Sian. Sian. SIAN!!!!!

On a lighter note, no no. It's quite heavy.

I LOVE GOD, AME, PECK AND JOYCE!!! (The rest next time k, when i know you guys better already. opps. Hee)

2007-10-25T06:02:00.000-07:00

Wanted to blog in Cantonese but i don't like to blog in simplified chinese. I think it's ugly. Opps. Anyhow. I have been feeling quite emo and stuff. But i am not going to state my frust here because, blog is no longer a safe place where i can feel comfortable sharing my deepest inner thoughts and secret at. People will just come and read it and, may just do their own interpretation. Which is the least thing i would fancy anyone to do.

Anyhow, i have so much to say to you. I hope i could tell you all my definite answer right away when you asked those questions. But i won't speak a word. Not because i am afraid i may not keep up to my promise. I wasn't sure if i am the person you would want to hear from. So i chose to stay silent. I don't feel good, hearing you said what you said, emotionally broken, mentally exhausted. I very much want to share your burdens with you, it's true. I know how it feels like when things just come unexpectedly and you have no choice but to accept it. I really know how it feels like and i just want you to come to me so that i can help you feel better.

Are you going to trust me? Will you trust me and let me be part of you? Will you allow me to enter your life? To be whom you consider important? I wonder when will be the day you will say all this things to me.

Sigh, i don't know what am i talking about. I am acting a stupid fool. Well, the fact is that i am stupid.

What is NICOLEAU other than just the name?

我好褂住你，好像同你讲声，其实我好锺意你。

Sick and tired

2007-10-25T00:02:00.000-07:00

Yesterday -
Woke up at 2 plus. Eat and went to meet Zoey. Met june and we ate AGAIN. I was kind of like, being forced to eat. My goodness, was lke damn full for the rest of the night. Haha, took neo prints (after a thousand years since i last took) and went to the playgroud at Zoey's place. And head down to Macs to meet faynat, debbie and joyce. Stayed till damn late and came home at like 530. And that's when my mum's alarm clock ringed. She asked me why am i home so early, i said that what she asked me to do. Hahah, went to sleep and, yes. Woke up at 2 again. So cool i know. But i'm working again tmr and that means that i won't be free anymore to meet anyone and ya, slack at home anymore. ARG!!! I still can't wait for Bangkok!! We are 34 days apart. =((

I felt like Emo-ing, so i listened to this song.

Late at night you called on the phone
We talked about that day
When you found out he was cheating
You tell me that it hurtst o the bone
To trust someone that way
To found out he was deceiving

I know i've always just been your friend
But if you look my way, i make sure that you're never hurt again

Do you know i exist
Just to promise you this
Endlessly to be true to you
And if you answer my prayer
I cross my heart and i swear
Endlessly to be true to you
But if you'd only see
How beautiful you and i would be
Endlessly

I remember when you fell in love
I could not believe
That it was not with me
I sent a secret prayer up above
Tou put my heart away
So that you could be free

And i know right now you're broken in two
But do you know my heart's been broken since the day i met you?

Sometimes the thing you need
Is the one thing you can't see
If you put your faith in me
How beautiful you and i would be

My goodness

2007-10-23T23:31:00.001-07:00

Alright, it's the start of my two days off. And i'd already planned the activity for this two days. That is, Stay at home and learn thai. Hahaha. That is very cool, like, can never get any cooler. HAHA.

Halloween's on sat but i am working full shift. How how how how? It would be quite tiring if i go down to zouk and party all night and attend tzu shao lian yi the next morning. ARG. Oh great, lex just came online and say that sat's party is off. YAY!!!

Seriously, i can't wait for bangkok trip to come!! Oh god. Everyone says that it's beutiful there, and given the money we earn here, we could be king and queen there. Hahah, honestly, i'm thinking of migrating there when i grow up. Like, be a volunteer or a nurse there for some specialist. Cool right. Yes i know.

Alright, now, let's try uploading the photos again.

YAY!! It's uploaded!!! But i am still upset cos 987 never call me. Which means i am not going to their show. AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH

How should i do?

2007-10-23T08:12:00.000-07:00

gSo the last time i blogged was on the 10th? So cool i know. Anyhow, i'd decidede to blogged today because..... I SAW THE CLICK FIVE!!!!!!!!!! OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD!!! Ok, i wanted to upload the pictures but blogger forbid me to do so. So, wait for the next time i'm in the mood to blog again and i'll upload it. Hee

I can't catch your mind, not matter how i try. Sometimes you move like you wanna get close, but slipped away so fast even before i could touch. You asked for a chance to prove that you are none of what they said. You asked for a chance to know us better. There was beginning but i guess it somehow broke off in between. I want to give it a try, i hope to see a different you but what i've got is only a ghost of you. Haunting but never able to touch. So what do you exactly want from me? I'm fragile, so don't lift me if you can't hold me.

2007-10-08T10:48:00.000-07:00

So it has been one week and one day since i last blogged. Coolios. But don't you worry, no drama happened, nothing interesting occurred so...... You didn't miss a single bit of my life. Basically i have been working and working and, working.

Nicole = workaholic.

Anyway, today was like my first half way after many full days. Met peck for Follow-up and yea, i guess she has sixth sense cos she kind of like, give me a summarise of my life right now? Cool. We had to finnish it early cos we were both so niao ji. My goodness, mine was ji until my abdoment starts to have thunder pain. If you know what i mean. So met up with ame, joyce and denise for Soup. Nicey dicey. Saw Zoey so we went home together, I ended up missing my stop -_- So i stopped at cheena garden with her to go home. She happily left me waiting for the bus at the freakiest bus stop i've ever been. =((

Alright, so this is all. I am very tired and i want to sleep. Pictures another day.

Tags

Gaya : Did you just ask me if i still remember you? How can i ever forget about you? You're like, the irritant of my life. HAHAH. Kidding. hee

Karen: Hey you!! I miss you, i miss your dog, i miss your house, i miss everything about you!!! See you soon.

Shuwen: Hahaha, yes yes, and i am proven right, putting alot of lotion won't make me peel and i am not peeling at all. HAHAHA. Say i'm smart, come on. haha.

What's going on?

2007-09-30T21:43:00.000-07:00

I have totally no idea what's up with my mum. First i asked her if she wants to go Bangkok with me or not. Then she said she don't want cos she wants to go somewhere further, so she ask me to go with my friends. Fine, so now that i found friends to go with me to Bangkok, She's not happy. Say i waste money, what the hell la ok. Just because she don't like lex (sorry bro) that's why she don't want me to go. So i said, "hello, you are the one who don't want to go with me. And they are the only people whom want to go. So what's your problem?" Am i right?

And she knows that i want to go Thailand for damn long already la. Like since sec 2 until now i haven been there before? AARRRGG

And now, she's giving me attitude. What the hell la, she's just pissing me off. When my brother came back from Bangkok yesterday, she was like (to my brother) "She also want to go wor." In the very sarcastic tone. Like, i have nothing better else to do like that.

Whatever man, i am still going whether she likes it or not. I mean after all, i am not using her money, i am using my own money for all the expenses. So just heck.

BANGKOK!!

2007-09-29T21:55:00.001-07:00

Jamie and i at Zero Spot Laundry.

A cookie from Mr.goodman to cheer me up. Thankyou

Little monkey that accompany me and Puiyen

Damn fat i tell you. But damn cute right???

Hello brother!! Why are you so *** now? haha

Sis and i. Don't you think she became prettier now? haha

I need to;

Make a spect

Cut my hair

Pay phone bill

I want to;

Buy new shoe

Buy new shirt

Buy jeans

Buy sports bra

Buy shoe bag

Buy slippers
Buy Sony walkman Mp3

My goodness. We have finally set a day to go bangkok!! And i really really can't wait.

2007-09-26T07:56:00.000-07:00

My goodness, 4 days more. 4 DAYS 4 DAYS 4 DAYS. And i will be out of thomson plaza. My goodness, i hate that place. It's driving me crazy. Arg!!

Tai tai doesn't mean that you can be rude and not apologise. Money doesn't mean you rule the world.

I want to die!!! It's october soon. 14 weeks to school reopen.

Boohoo

2007-09-25T07:35:00.000-07:00

Thomson plaza is boring. People there is weird. They talk very soft and they ask funny questions. ??!?!

It's moon cake festival today and i have yet ate any mooncakes. -_- I want mooncake with double yoke. Suddenly mooncakes reminds me of someone. Never mind.

Don't say those words if that wasn't what you meant or if it isn't something you can keep up to. Don't make me fall again.

Sometimes i hate you, cos you made me so reserved and suspicious towards girls now. You made me lose trust in love, when it's something i yearn for so much. I wonder if you ever feel guilty for what you did to me.

I am not good looking, i'm ultra casual, i wear shirt, berms and flip flops everywhere i go. I am fat, i don't take initiative, i don't bother most of the time. So why will you like me?

Everyday is another tiring day

2007-09-24T06:21:00.000-07:00

I am so so so so tired.

Fri - watched movie and reached home at 1. Slept at 2 plus 3 cos i want to finish up my book. I still think they should get together, =(( Anyhow, dad told me he'll wake up at 8

Sat- So i woke up at 7 to bath and packed my bag. Got everything done in 49 mins and dad woke up at 845 instead -_- I could have slept in later you know? met puiyen at 1 and ate lunch, went club and played and trained. It was tiring cos it was physical and i haven been going for training. Opps. Went for dinner and watched late night movie. Reached home at like 2 plus 3.

Sun- Woke up at 6 cos i'm meeting Jamie for breakfast before heading to pasir ris. Went on excursion at Zero spot laundry. Rushed down to church right after we got back to hui suo. Sermon was great, but i know it'll be greater if i have wasn't that sleepy. =((

Hang around in church until esmond and peck finish prac. 3 long hours in church doing nothing. *^%#@! But ame and i did spent some quality time together, right ame?

Fire works was fun. Back to childhood, as fascinated as ever, Haha. Was suppose to watch secret after everyone bathe but i happily fell asleep on the sofa after a few minutes. Thought i slept only awhile but Colin and peck said i slept in a very awkward and uncomfortable position for almost an hour. Ohhh.

Woke up at 9, ate and went off to work. Oh god. I fell asleep a thousand times. Like i was chewing my food and i fell asleep half way chewing. -_-

I was surprise to see you again after so long and i really hope we can start a new and be friends again since we'll be seeing each other quite often now? oh well.

2007-09-18T00:10:00.000-07:00

Guess what, i woke up at 1247 today. I was suppose to wake up early!! Anyhow, today's my off day again. But I'll be back in battle tomorrow. I so have nothing to blog but i so want to blog. Actually i was thinking if i should go back home one of the days because Matthew just flown to hongkong yesterday so mum would be alone at home. Like really on her own. But guess it wouldn't make any diff whether we're there or not because she'll just be on the phone.

I kind of miss school. I was looking back on my past posts and i realise that i kind of miss school. I miss campus, i miss MLT, i miss burger buster, i miss my classmates. They won't be my classmates next year and i'm rather upset about it. It wouldn't be that bad i guess. I mean, new year, new start. Everything would be different. One thing faynat and i was talking about is that our phone bill would definately go down by ALOT after she goes back to indo. And i would just have people like, ame, peck, joyce, sometimes zan and sometimes june they all. The other's kind of like, not in contact? haha.

I was planning to work part time in school or something. At lease i'll be able to earn some money for next year. It goes this way, parents stop giving you money gradually because it's time for you to learn how to earn for a living. It's time when you want money from them, they'll say they will only lend it to you, return when you get your pay or something. Yes, not that they're really that broke that they need you to return, but they just want you to know you are no longer in that age of taking money from parents for granted anymore.

I guess working in HV/0102 has made me grow much in responsibilities and not only that, taught me many other things. Now i learn that, life could be much more simpler if you learn how to cherish. Many sayings in this world sound so simple that many just neglect or never really took the effort to dwell into the phrase and take a ride of imaginary experience. If we can do it often, you'll realise that life could be easier.

As usual

2007-09-17T06:31:00.000-07:00

Anyway, as usual. Just a small post after i change blogskin. I wonder when will the time i can finally settle for a blogskin for long. I have been changing skin like every month or something. haha.

It's boring here. As much as i want to bond with my dad, it seems impossible because he is home late, claudia will be talking or setting an invisible boundaries that says "I hold an ownership to him so you better not get anywhere near him." Or maybe my step-mum's there and i wasn't able to talk to him openly. Oh dear, this keyboard is getting hard to type.

As much as i want to talk to my sister normally, i can't. Simply because i can't stand her attitude. She has this huge attitude problem that i think i should talk to her about it soon. When she's lees annoying to me. From now til then, let's just ignore her?

WOOHOO

2007-09-16T21:07:00.000-07:00

I loev the feeling of typing after you cut your long fingre nails. I hate long finger nails. It doesn't allow me to typr smoothly. And i have to typr really carefully in order not to let it scratch my keypads.

Anyhow, today's my off day. My goodness. I can finally finally slack at home the whole day doing nothing. Boy, i love this so much.

Watched The invasion and i'll rate it... 3 starts? Or maybe 2. Because it wasn't trilling enough to be a triller show, it has too much talking. Only the ending was alright. At lease they didn't make nicole kidman and oliver to be aliens. My goodness, oliver is so cute i swear. hee.

I think it's so difficult to talk on the phone at night in my dad's house. Cos it's small, and it's quiet. Probably every singlr word i said he can hear it from his room. Anyhow, i can't really whisper too cos apprently Tan Faynat talks DAMN LOUD. And i sometimes have to raise my voice so that she will shut up and listen to me. haha. Qi si wo i tell you.

Sigh, i don't know where's Maria. I don't know what time she's coming back. Just hope that claudia's coming home late today cos i kinda need to peace.

mmm

2007-09-14T21:45:00.000-07:00

It's been long since i last went online. Everyady's a long and tired day for me. And today, i'm having my off day. Kind of reluctant to go church today cos i really want to rest at home? Service starts at 5 so i was planning to slack till 4 then leave the house, but i've got follow-up at 230, so oh wells, can't really rest but that's alright, cos i know i won't regret after the follow up.

Anyhow, let's blog about this week. I am working 11 hours everyday

Monday,
Woke up at 1100. Bathed and ate breakfast. Was kind of late and it was raining (i think) so i decided to take a cab to work although it's only a 10 minutes walk from my dad's house to cine. Anyhow, i had 20 cabs passing me with wither hired sign or those pretend-never-see-you cab uncles. After 15 good mintues i got on the cab and there was jam, so i took 20 minutes to reach cine. What the hell.

Tuesday,
Another day of eleven hours. Town was like a dead land. Nobody was there. Foodcourt have only 9 people excluding store tenders. Pathetic huh? Sales was bad too because there's nobody. Went back to clementi because i forgot to bring clubbing clothes for Faiz's party. Mum was waiting for me went i got home. She help me prepare for the com and stuff then went to sleep after i came home. THANK YOU MUMMY!!

Wednesday,
Eleven hours again. Boss sent me to Zouk. Party till the thing is over. Saw Liqing!! OHMIGOD!! For your info, she's one mof my favourtite seniors ever in my St Margs life. She was very nice to me and very encouraging also. So yes, i bump into her after 3 years. Hee. Wanted to go balcony but sook fong was sleeping already so we bought food and sat at youth park till 6 plus in the morning.

Thursday,
Surprisingly i wasn't tired or sleepy at all. Came across this venting machine and i was so thirsty, so i decided to pop some coins for a can, BUT, total of the coins i had was only 1.20 and the mininum was 1.30. FINE!! So i spend that 10 minutes cursing that machine until i got home.

Friday,
I woke up early cos i want to watch some tv. But my dear claudia have to snatch that bloody remote control with me. WHAT THE HELL!! She is damn selfish i swear, she can watch everyday right? I'm only here for a few days so can't you just let me watch channels that i want? AARRGG!!! Went for work and yeah, some childish people came to my store and mess up the whole store. They practically mess up every shirt. Grow up people, that appears extremely childish. I don't mind folding clothes so by doing that won't piss me off at all.

Daddy came to fetch my from work and we went for supper at newton. I stayed up late last night watching princess d. But faynat insist it's not princess d cos she never see edison chen when he appeared so many times. -_-

People who tagged my blog, i'm sorry i took so long to reply.

People who comment on my tattoo: If you really want to get one then get one that you won't regret. Anyhow, it's only painful during the process after that you'll forget about the pain totally, really.

People who comment on the indian part : Haha, my mum's really against indians. Against until very bps those kind some more. Last time when i wath vasaatham she'll off the tv. Serious. haha

People who wants to catch up: Hey, call me or something. I've cahnged my number to. Oh no, i just remember i don't know my number. Haha. eh, leave me your number on my friendster and i'll contact you. Hee.

Ok i need to bath now and off to church. Chaos people

2007-09-08T10:06:00.000-07:00

I was just thinking today, that if i want to make friends, why not make friends with someone whom you like and you know you can trust? I'd rather only have friends whom i can talk to about anything without feeling awkward. I may have aquitance so just let them be.

If you have friends who can bitch behind your back, then they ain't really your good friend. I am not a good friend i know. But i guess it's common. Anyhow, from now on i'll just get myself comfortable. It's better to be with someone you're comfortable with than hanging out with people you can't be yourself.

I wouldn't be coming online for a long time because i 'm staying with my dad for quite some time. My boss stationed me in cine so i guess i should stay over his place since it's so near and that also means that i can wake up later. hee. I'll miss mummy, definately.

HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL 2!!!! IN 18 HOURS MORE!!! HEE

Tattoo

2007-09-07T10:53:00.000-07:00

This is my tattoo.

About this tattoo, it was quite some time ago. Anyway, my mother always objected us having tattoo, but my brother and i own one each. I had it done a few days before my mum come back so i intend to break it to her after that. Hesitating if i should tell her straight or shall i ask relevant questions first. I went for the second options. Oh dear, i found out that my mum still kind of against it. She told me that i shouldn't have a tattoo, at most she will give me money to buy those fake ones, because that one you can change anytime you like. Er, ok.

I hid my star from her all the time. Which is going to be a month soon.

Today, my mum was extremely hyper, she sat by my side as we chat with this friend form tsu chi. We were laughing our ass off and so suddenly the thought of confessing to her struck me. And this is how it goes.

Me: Mummy, i have something to tell you.
Her: What?
Me: -Trying to gather the courage to say the first word-
Her: I count to three you still don't say then don't say ah. 1...2....3...
Me: -still froze-
Her: Say la
Me: I...i...i did something you don't like.
Her: What? You like someone?
Me: No
Her: You like an Indian?
Me: No
Her: You like girls again?
Me: No
Her: You want to quit your job?
Me: No.
Her: THEN WHAT LA.
Me: Ehhhhhhhhhhhhhh. I tattooed.

Shockingly, she wasn't even angry, she ask me to show her and that's it already. she never angry. And after that, we laugh again. Hahaha. Thank god.

HEY