I miss you at home..
You staying over so that i can hug you to sleep
You will be reading the comic book when i finish bathing
You always ask if it's ok if you don't bath and i'll always check you thoroughly.
You'll get tired so fast while massaging me
You'll hide in the room whenever my brother or mother's at home cos you're scared of them
You by my side brushing teeth together with me in the morning just like married couple


I miss you at Lex's house..
You getting angry while sleeping cos i didn't hug you enough
You will always stay in bed and make me bring in food for you
You sitting on my right at the dining table always
You will always call me "fat" whenever i cook noodles late night but you'll eat too
We will always require you to explain some things to yanti cos you know malay?


I miss you at your house..
That one time stayover that we slept on the same bed eventually but rolled down to the floor first thing in the morning cos your mum's coming in anytime soon
The time that i wanted to bake a cake with you for mel but you baked 80% of it already
We spent our 1st and 5th month at the rooftop and my birthday bbq.


I miss you at gardens..
The house that we always took ideas from for our future house
Outside macs where we recorded that "Mega Mc spicy only want the patty".
Where we settled our first huge row over dinner at that indian stall.
Where we saw this couple who looked like they just moved in and heading out for dinner after painting the house? That's we said that's how we will be like in a few years' time?



I miss you..
I miss your thin fingers between mine
That smile that will always make me laugh
The way you call me "Baby ar" whenever i say/do something stupid
How your hug feels like
The thickness of your lips
How you will always screw my head whenever i said "Ya" in the korean way
You'll frown like Jayme
The way you act like a bimbo
The way you'll pat me to sleep
The way you always confuse those ants with your cigarette
Tuesday night C.S.I Miami and Citybeat and everynight Yu le bai fen bai's repeat.



I miss..
Trying all ways to make you miss the last bus home so that you can stay with me longer
I love how i will never get sick of seeing you
How every outing with you is like the best day ever
Having you in my arms the whole day, just cuddling in bed
How great it is to have you coming down to my work place to wait for me, it's just like i'm the luckiest human being.
How you'll take care of me when i get drank
All the talks and craps we shared
How i always say you're the best wife for me


I love you..
You are the only one whom i can love like that. We were going well in the past despite being broke all the time. You stood by me all the way. I really hate myself for making the decision to go back to hongkong. I used to think and pity myself that i have to deal with everything on my own over there and i have noone to cry on. I had never placed myself in your shoe that you have to go through everything on your own too. That you have to face everything with the picture of me. Now that i am back, i know exactly what you mean. It really hurts not to have you to complete the picture.

You're so far away now. I don't even know what are you thinking and that hurts, really hurts. To know that a bung and a guy is so close to you that they know so much more than i do. I'm like such a normal friend to you or even worse than that. My heart really hurts.

After seeing you that day, all my emotions starts pouring out. The urge to hug you and kiss you just like before is so strong. Just like how we were like. Can we please start over again? Please don't be so cold to me, i really can't take it.

I will really work hard and provide a better living. I learned my lesson in hk. I will really get a stable job and work very hard. Habits like laziness and all i will change, whatever that will affect our future i will change. My temper and stubborn-ness i will change too, i know you put up with that alot and it's not being fair to you.

You are right, i was a childish and insensitive moron to say all those hurtful stuff in my blog about you. Just because i was angry so i allowed my emotion to lead me. Why didn't i think about the other time that you took out that post for me cos i told you i was hurt and you did that right away? I am gonna kick off this habit, i want to think more for you from now on. I want to be sensitive to all your needs and make the best effort to give you what you need.

Please don't block me out? Please? I love you alot and i swear this time's gonna be different. Give me another chance? This few days has been like hell for me. Being totally not involved in your life is killing me. I cna't stand being so far away from you. If this is my punishment for my mistake, i learned my lesson. Can it stop already? Forgive me christina, please. I beg you, please!!

Gosh i really miss sg.. I miss all my friends there and i can't wait to be myself once again. People here are all concious about image and stuff, not that it's bad. But friends who know me should know what i'm saying, i am so loud and jumpy. Now i have to tone down and act cool and try to stand out all the time. It's really tiring, but yet at the same time, i will not be notice if i just be who i am. I am turning concious too.

I looked at LKM's facebook today and i realised how great it is to be in sg, that all you have to do is to put on a more decent shirt or something and you're good. A tee and shorts and you're ok. But here, walau eh. Everything damn detailed all, hair... You know i don't bother about my hair right, but now everyday must style..

Talk to girls cannot laugh too happily, but keep the stern and cool image. Cannot even be too nice to girls or they won't like you. They like Bs that are players. Weird right? Weird.

Thank god Kabe grew up in canada so she's different from them. I hope we work out well =]

Nicole Christine Au
Eleven December 1987
Hongkonger