Coming back to hk is really much complicating than everything seems to be. First it's about the job and a place to stay, never thought about human relationships plays such a huge factor.

It's like, my grandparents always plays a very mercy and understanding role in my memory, not that they are not, but really much lesser than i thought they were. I never knew explaining something to make them understand can be that difficult. I'm still young, you think going to work and staying at home is all what my life's gonna be? It's not gonna happen.

Really, communicating and living with them is really... I don't quite know how to describe that kind of feelings. Yeah my brother's gonna say when he live with them nothing of such happened and he ill never make them worry and yada yada yada. But you know what? I am no you, i am different from any other one in the family. Not that i am bad, i just can't be tied down, i need lots of freedom. Yeah you had never really scolded me or stuff but the things you said and all is enough to say everything.

If it isn't for my mum that i wanna protect from them, i never had to be like this. I would had just walked off and seriously care about a single shit about them. And i shall emphasize that I DON'T HATE THEM AND THEY ARE NOT BAD GUYS. Just that they are different from the way i thought they are and those are enough to suffocate me.

Moving out may be still out of my ability and far fetch, but i really have to do so. It's tough, it's not just like going to somebody;s house. I don't know man. I just wanna stay away. I am never the best choice to be a role model so i can never represent my family. I am not the outcome of my mum, i really hope they see this point and not pin point my mum or think my mum's pushing the responsibility to them.

And seriously stop thinking my mum is wrong for bringing me and my brother away back then, cos i can assure you this point and if we were to follow your son, we will not be where we are now, we will be in jail. Your son's the worse man i ever met. Even man who hits their wives they don't hide it though it's as shameful but at least they admit, not like you who cheats and totally destroyed a family. And don';t you even dare think you have the rights to teach us what to do or even speak to my mum cos thing like you have nothing but just a smelly mouth to talk. You don't do anything you don't even care about anything. Maybe i inherited it from you, what a shame.

Nicole Christine Au
Eleven December 1987
Hongkonger