Hi? this is so awkward. It feels like i am talking to people in Singapore but yet i feel that no one will come here anymore. Never mind, i don't know what am i talking about.

So this is like the 3rd day in hk and i swear it feels more than that. I don't know how am i feeling actually. Seems like getting a job is all that i can think of now but i know i am thinking of so many things else. Like my baby, my friends and how's everyone doing. Maybe because i wasn't able to contact anyone so i feel kinda distanced from everyone i know. Being able to come back to hk and "join" my family members seems like one of my dream but now that i am back here with them, i also realised that there isn't much to talk to them about. I have missed out too much for too many years.

Although this is only the 3rd day in hk but i realised alot of things. Maybe cos i am "alone" now so i have so-called quiet time on my own to do some thinking. I realised that coming back here is very different from how i expected it to be. I am not as prepared as i thought i am. As much i thought i can be independent, i am not as strong. Thought i hasn't shed a tear since i touch down but that is only because i don't have any opportunity to do so cos my mum is with me all day long and stuff. Have you ever felt like you have something in your throat yet coughing doesn't help in anyways? That is how i am feeling. Maybe i just don't want to cry cos i am afraid that the reason so is that i hasn't moved on and i am not ready.

I think i acted like a bad guy for leaving my baby and friends in Singapore so i really want to put away all my feelings and make a good living here so that everything will be worth it. I really don't want to screw this opportunity. I will regret for life. hmm.

One thing that make me really wanna work even harder is that, i saw my motivation. My mum and i was walking about at TST bay yesterday and we all saw this big starbucks in the concept of our dream cafe. Really the way i wanted it to be. After looking at it, in my mind i was thinking this is what i am working for.

Nicole Christine Au
Eleven December 1987
Hongkonger