It is 0149 now and i am still awake. I was suppose to be asleep and dreaming now cos it will be another long day tomorrow. But tonight, i just want to blog.

I guess this time GOD is getting into action to deal with me. He must be hurt to see me laying like this for too long, until he is handling things on his own. His work is so clear in my eyes that i can see it as thought it is solid. Yes, since i can't do it on my own, he is going to help me with it.

If you don't know what am i talking about, I'll tell you what it is.

I went church on Sunday (Like finally). As usual, i wasn't really opening my heart and my ears to let the word flow in me. Although i responded to altar call, it was just half-hearted. I just thought i shouldn't miss the chance since everything the pastor says fits my bill. So i responded just not to miss the chance.

It didn't take any effect on my until hours later while i was playing with Maurice (My psp). God suddenly struck me this vision, or goal. That i want to serve in church, i want to do well in church. That this is a time that i should really wake up and get started all over again with GOD.

So i told Peck about the calling and they (Peck and Dawn) prayed for me that i will seek GOD for help in times like temptations instead of fighting on my own. Cos it is proven many many times before that the devil's power level is 100 and mine's only 10. So confim will lose. So, in order to win, i need to find someone whose level is 100 times more than the tiny devil, which is GOD. YES AMEN!!

So anyway, i got rejected by this girl. Called ____. (For me to know and don't need you to find out. HAHA!) Which is a good thing? Cos i kind of like confessed to her on sunday before church and the callign was after that. I Don't know how to end this thing, cos i know that some corner in my heart, i still want to be with her. But now that she had rejected me, cos GOD disapprove it. I think it is really amazing!! Like, it is all GOD's doing. I prayed to him to help me in the area, he did. He answered my prayer. Cool right? Yes.

So anyhow, one thing is settled. There is another area that i need help in. Pastor talked about forgiving. And the first person i can ever think of is that thing. When i think of her, i don't know what to feel. To feel nothing, or to feel anger. Or the best, not feeling anything, cos i don't understand everything. But i know that i can't hate her forever, maybe some years later? I don't know. I'll just let GOD control.

Anyhow, i am SO SO excited about which ministry that GOD is going to put me in. I can't wait!! Cos i told him that he can put me in any ministry that he wants to place me in, be it i know or don't know that skills. Which means if he put me in some ulu panda ministry, i can learn new things. HAHA. So i am really really excited.

Alright, a nong nong post again. And i really really need to sleep. If not tmr no need to wake up already. Need to wake up DAMN early those kind la. Sian. Sian. SIAN!!!!!

On a lighter note, no no. It's quite heavy.

I LOVE GOD, AME, PECK AND JOYCE!!! (The rest next time k, when i know you guys better already. opps. Hee)

Labels: GOD IS AWESOME

Wanted to blog in Cantonese but i don't like to blog in simplified chinese. I think it's ugly. Opps. Anyhow. I have been feeling quite emo and stuff. But i am not going to state my frust here because, blog is no longer a safe place where i can feel comfortable sharing my deepest inner thoughts and secret at. People will just come and read it and, may just do their own interpretation. Which is the least thing i would fancy anyone to do.

Anyhow, i have so much to say to you. I hope i could tell you all my definite answer right away when you asked those questions. But i won't speak a word. Not because i am afraid i may not keep up to my promise. I wasn't sure if i am the person you would want to hear from. So i chose to stay silent. I don't feel good, hearing you said what you said, emotionally broken, mentally exhausted. I very much want to share your burdens with you, it's true. I know how it feels like when things just come unexpectedly and you have no choice but to accept it. I really know how it feels like and i just want you to come to me so that i can help you feel better.

Are you going to trust me? Will you trust me and let me be part of you? Will you allow me to enter your life? To be whom you consider important? I wonder when will be the day you will say all this things to me.

Sigh, i don't know what am i talking about. I am acting a stupid fool. Well, the fact is that i am stupid.

What is NICOLEAU other than just the name?


我好褂住你， 好像同你讲声， 其实我好锺意你。

Labels: look my way

Yesterday -
Woke up at 2 plus. Eat and went to meet Zoey. Met june and we ate AGAIN. I was kind of like, being forced to eat. My goodness, was lke damn full for the rest of the night. Haha, took neo prints (after a thousand years since i last took) and went to the playgroud at Zoey's place. And head down to Macs to meet faynat, debbie and joyce. Stayed till damn late and came home at like 530. And that's when my mum's alarm clock ringed. She asked me why am i home so early, i said that what she asked me to do. Hahah, went to sleep and, yes. Woke up at 2 again. So cool i know. But i'm working again tmr and that means that i won't be free anymore to meet anyone and ya, slack at home anymore. ARG!!! I still can't wait for Bangkok!! We are 34 days apart. =((


I felt like Emo-ing, so i listened to this song.

Late at night you called on the phone
We talked about that day
When you found out he was cheating
You tell me that it hurtst o the bone
To trust someone that way
To found out he was deceiving

I know i've always just been your friend
But if you look my way, i make sure that you're never hurt again

Do you know i exist
Just to promise you this
Endlessly to be true to you
And if you answer my prayer
I cross my heart and i swear
Endlessly to be true to you
But if you'd only see
How beautiful you and i would be
Endlessly

I remember when you fell in love
I could not believe
That it was not with me
I sent a secret prayer up above
Tou put my heart away
So that you could be free

And i know right now you're broken in two
But do you know my heart's been broken since the day i met you?

Sometimes the thing you need
Is the one thing you can't see
If you put your faith in me
How beautiful you and i would be

Labels: My heart is broken

Labels: 36 more days to bangkok

gSo the last time i blogged was on the 10th? So cool i know. Anyhow, i'd decidede to blogged today because..... I SAW THE CLICK FIVE!!!!!!!!!! OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD!!! Ok, i wanted to upload the pictures but blogger forbid me to do so. So, wait for the next time i'm in the mood to blog again and i'll upload it. Hee

I can't catch your mind, not matter how i try. Sometimes you move like you wanna get close, but slipped away so fast even before i could touch. You asked for a chance to prove that you are none of what they said. You asked for a chance to know us better. There was beginning but i guess it somehow broke off in between. I want to give it a try, i hope to see a different you but what i've got is only a ghost of you. Haunting but never able to touch. So what do you exactly want from me? I'm fragile, so don't lift me if you can't hold me.

Labels: 38 days more to bangkok

So it has been one week and one day since i last blogged. Coolios. But don't you worry, no drama happened, nothing interesting occurred so...... You didn't miss a single bit of my life. Basically i have been working and working and, working.

Nicole = workaholic.

Anyway, today was like my first half way after many full days. Met peck for Follow-up and yea, i guess she has sixth sense cos she kind of like, give me a summarise of my life right now? Cool. We had to finnish it early cos we were both so niao ji. My goodness, mine was ji until my abdoment starts to have thunder pain. If you know what i mean. So met up with ame, joyce and denise for Soup. Nicey dicey. Saw Zoey so we went home together, I ended up missing my stop -_- So i stopped at cheena garden with her to go home. She happily left me waiting for the bus at the freakiest bus stop i've ever been. =((

Alright, so this is all. I am very tired and i want to sleep. Pictures another day.

Tags

Gaya : Did you just ask me if i still remember you? How can i ever forget about you? You're like, the irritant of my life. HAHAH. Kidding. hee

Karen: Hey you!! I miss you, i miss your dog, i miss your house, i miss everything about you!!! See you soon.

Shuwen: Hahaha, yes yes, and i am proven right, putting alot of lotion won't make me peel and i am not peeling at all. HAHAHA. Say i'm smart, come on. haha.

Nicole Christine Au
Eleven December 1987
Hongkonger