Sometimes, i really dislike my mum alot. I don't understand why but she likes to pull me down alot. Whenever i tell her my plans and everything, instead of encouraging me, she will go "See if you can make it for one week then say." Come on man, it's fuck up how she always tell me things like that. First she says that i can't stay in a job for long say that i hold no responsibility. Now that i'm in this job for quite long. I mean, i've never stay in a job for more than 2 weeks and now i'm already in it for a month and still not sick of it. Meaning i am still very keen on staying on. I'm starting to bring home money, give my dad and family to a treat, pay for my own stuff.

I was telling her about my plans just now, telling her how am i going to use my pay. I told her i am going to return Matthew money, i am going to return her money, pay for my own phone bill, saving money so i'm going to bring my own lunchbox most of the time, i'm going to contribute to the family by responsible in buying groceries for the house. And what kind of fuck up respone is she giving me? She just said "anything, up to you." Now don't try to tell me oh, maybe she had a bad day, maybe she's just tired and stuff like that cos i know that she's jolly well not having any of it. I mean, why can't she just encourage me or at lease give me a nod to show that she's listening and acknowledging me? Not telling me that i can do better than that or what so ever.

Since young she has been demoralizing me whenever i tell her about my plans and hopes. Why is she so different from other mums? Why is she only so encouraging towards people in tzu chi?Am i not up to compare with them even when i'm blood related to her?

Everything's just fuck up.

Nicole Christine Au
Eleven December 1987
Hongkonger