Alright, no updates cos nothing to update. My life is all about working now. I can only be found in this three places. My house, holland and Paya Lebar. Oh cool, now i know how to spell paya lebar. haha. Anyway, i was rather hyper today, i don't know why. I kept laughing today until my shop neighbour, huimin thinks i'm crazy. And while reading my novel just now, i laughed out of a sudden cos i suddenly recall peck's song. Explain some other time. It's ultra funny. hahahha. I think Peck is just funny, anything about her is funny. Anyhow, Peck is this person in church. So called like a shepherd of mine. She's damn funny please, like really funny funny. She dont have to try to do anything, just look at her is funny. hahha. In a good way of cos. Anyhow, i like my care group. I'm still not use to call it cell group, like, a lack of a sense of bond-ness. But over all, they are nice people. Fun.

I remember how i always want to have late night talk with you but you want to sleep.
I remember how i always complaint cos you always want to shit while on the phone with me and you will never call back even you said you will.
I remember how lame we were by staying in town cos we don't want to go home so early.
I remember how we will laugh at about almost everything even it don't make any sense at all.
I remember how you irritate me by imitating this and that from tv.
I remember how disgusting yet funny to imitate li nan xin ang pang ling ling.
I remember how we both got basturded by Boost.
I remember how you snatch my ham and stuff it in your mouth.
I remember how we laugh at my serene eyecandy (i ran or yi ran).
I remember singing that stupid fergilicious song all wrongly and laughed like shit.
I remember those day i stay back in school while you mug for art.
I remember those days we always go tp almost everyday cos we want to change phone.
I remember you always want to keep the ciggerate box and left me with nowhere to keep mine.
I remember sitting in mac and that time you ignore me cos of that stupid indian girl.
I remember laughing at Matilda cos she's so bias.

See, we have so many things to share about without her. Can't we just let it go?

There are all kinds of people in this world and you see more of them as you grow. Some you only hear of them from friends or through drama series. Naive of me but I've always thought everyone is the same. People of the same age and same class should think similarly, they should live a similar life. But I've only came to realise while observing people during work recently that i was wrong about that, two brothers can live under the same roof receiving the same kind of education but both have huge different in perceptions whist another man, living an opposite way of life shares the common mind.

Some live life for themselves, totally ignorance to the surrounding comments or being outcast. The hold no responsibilities nor a need for explanations to anybody. Just by themselves.

Some are so conscious, that they almost lose themselves to the world, not physically of course. Talk in a way to impress, acting in a gesture that was never in him/her.

Some wants to break free from pursuing the standard form of life everybody desires to be. Meaning you want to be true to yourself yet you have to lie your way through just to fit in.

What I'm trying to say is that, shouldn't we be true to our self? Be accountable for our self? Don't you think it will be so pathetic when we ask our self what have we done for our self maybe on the last day of our life? Then our answer will be, "Oh, majority of my life i was dressing and talking and acting in a way to impress people so that people would think that I'm cool." Or maybe, " I am not quite sure about that cos more than half of the time i am just doing whatever other people are doing." Bad huh?

Or some people wasn't on good terms with everybody. Presuming you are too cool to hang out with yada yada or, i can't wait to hang out with yada yada cos yada yada is so cool and popular. Now here's another thing i wanna talk about popularity and fame. You can have the whole school knowing your name or you have at least hundred people waving to you as you walk down orchard road or you may even have people you have never heard of know of you and even set you as their idol or crush. BUT, are this people going to be there for you when you are in need of help. Not talking about fights, but more of like, when you are in need of money, when your family fall apart, when you need someone to talk to at the wee hour, or the best, when you broke up with your partner for three months already and he/she still console you and wipe your tears patiently, when you are having the bad-est time and want to rant it out at someone?

My brother always say, you can know the whole world but you only need one or two true friends. They don't calculate how many fries you took from them, they don't reject your call or ask you to call again tmr cos you're sleeping, they won't hesitate to stand up for you when you're being bullied, they don't go to you and say" ay, you borrowed 1.50 that time so you still owe me 2 dollars", they don't ditch you for their girlfriends and most importantly, they are true to you. This are true friends.

Sometimes i find that he is just trying to act emotional in front of me because i don't think anyone on earth can ever do that, at lease not me, cos i am not that patient when i am asleep and i'm always broke. HAHA. But, this is sounding cliche but you have to know this, being a normal person don't give you that ability, but being a christian empower you to reach that level or tolerance and acceptance.

So start thinking, what kind of person you want to be and what kind of friends you're really looking for.

Sometimes, i really dislike my mum alot. I don't understand why but she likes to pull me down alot. Whenever i tell her my plans and everything, instead of encouraging me, she will go "See if you can make it for one week then say." Come on man, it's fuck up how she always tell me things like that. First she says that i can't stay in a job for long say that i hold no responsibility. Now that i'm in this job for quite long. I mean, i've never stay in a job for more than 2 weeks and now i'm already in it for a month and still not sick of it. Meaning i am still very keen on staying on. I'm starting to bring home money, give my dad and family to a treat, pay for my own stuff.

I was telling her about my plans just now, telling her how am i going to use my pay. I told her i am going to return Matthew money, i am going to return her money, pay for my own phone bill, saving money so i'm going to bring my own lunchbox most of the time, i'm going to contribute to the family by responsible in buying groceries for the house. And what kind of fuck up respone is she giving me? She just said "anything, up to you." Now don't try to tell me oh, maybe she had a bad day, maybe she's just tired and stuff like that cos i know that she's jolly well not having any of it. I mean, why can't she just encourage me or at lease give me a nod to show that she's listening and acknowledging me? Not telling me that i can do better than that or what so ever.

Since young she has been demoralizing me whenever i tell her about my plans and hopes. Why is she so different from other mums? Why is she only so encouraging towards people in tzu chi?Am i not up to compare with them even when i'm blood related to her?

Everything's just fuck up.

I've decided to delete away the previous post because it may cause some misunderstanding amoung people who don't know the full story. But, accoring to what "k" said on my tagboard that i missed out something in the conversation, i didn't. Don't believe i can always show it again cos i've save the conversation. I wasn't trying to play bitch here but i find it really ironic.

You've got me thinking all over again about this friendship cos i thought we ought to give each other another chance since you've made the effort to mail me and stuff, i thought you know your wrongs but no, you're still very keen on going on with this episode. Continue yourself then. I don't have the interest.

Stacey is back in hongkong now =(( I miss her so much now, cos i'm so used to her living with me now. Haha.

This is for you stacey;

I miss asking you to come home early.
I like it when you come home and go "An ti ngor fan lei la".
I miss leaving house and coming home together with you just like we are sisters.
I miss it when you come near and me and leave some hair on me after you leave (it's quite freaky)
I miss it when you always stand at the entrance of the kitchen cos there's cockroaches.
I miss it when you always sit/squad down on the floor doing your own thing while i use the com.
I miss complaining to faynat how you always sleep so early when i want to chat with you.
I miss laughing with you about that kangaroo.
I miss how you open the door and almost fall cos you used too much strength.
I like asking you to open the door instead cos i'm too lazy to.
I miss how you help cover me with blanket.
I miss how i have to get you to wake up cos you will just go back to sleep.
I miss shutting you up from revealing our bu neng shuo de mi mi.
I miss telling you about "secret" and you will just get annoyed.
I miss helping you carry your stuff. (So you should really come back soon.)
I miss SO MUCH OF EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU!! I am really serious about paying half of your ticket. So come back ok!!! Heee

Stacey do you miss me this much??? hahahhaa

My goodness. I'm burnt again and I'm as red as the colour red and and and, if you realise, you're kind of swollen when you're burnt so i guess the area round my eye's badly burnt cos my eye's kind of swollen. Even when i try to open my eyes bigger, i feel that it's the same. Oops.

Anyway, my back's badly burnt too so when i sleep yesterday, WOOHOO. Not pain at all, not pain.

How i wish that Stacey can stay longer, cos i enjoy it so much that two good friends can stay together and stuff? And, she's the only one my mum like among most of my friends. haha. No offence for the others out there. hee.

Oh yes, just before i go off, lemme just encourage you to watch "secret". The movie acted by Jay Chou and this other girl that i only know her as Xiao Yu in the movie. haha. Go watch it. It's really worth the money and i'm just going to watch it again. Hee. I really really want to watch the movie. Heeee. And i cried really really much during the movie cos it's so sad!!! Well if you know my well enough, you'll know i'm not being exaggerating.

Labels: You've got me tuned into confusion channel.

So i'm like a super maid today cos i finnish packing the house in like, 2 hours? Washed the toilet, pack the whole house, swept and mopped. Cool man. haha. Oh, and i washed the dishes. Went to the airport to fetch my mum. OH GOD, I MISSED HER MUCH I MUST SAY. haha. Now she's so hip. haha.

Now that mum's home, i feel a little weird. Opps.

Because i don't do short r/s.

Mummy's coming back tmr. Woo, just hope she don't find out about my tattoo. Or hope she doesn't mind about it. I have to sleep. I can finally wake up late tmr. But i've got to pack the house before my mum comes home. So doubt i can wake up any later than 1. Alright, that's like 4 hours more than usual. =))

Why do the things you do when you know you will regret?

Instead of getting to bed straight after i reached home, i chose to watch my "Triumph in the skies" before sleeping. Oh god, i am dead tired. I realised i'm really getting old. I could stay up not sleeping for 5 nights. But now, i can't even stand a night.

Well yesterday was a eventful day.

1st. I went back to BBSS for the Annual award and i've gotten the Good Performance for GCE N Level thing. Whoo. Got to wear the Gown and i'm hunting for neha to send the photos to me real soon.

2nd. Got my tattoo done and thank god for faynat or i may just faint on the spot. It wasn't that bad. I thought it woulld be DAMN painful but it's not that DAMN painful. Just painful. As my neck's my sensitive area, so i find it quite ticklish. haha.

3rd. Went Lex's house and played mahjong all the way till 8 this morning. Slept and woke up at 9. Git myself prepared and went to work.

I was so tempted to tell my boss that i'm not feeling well and wants to go home cos i was feeling cold, tired and was having a slight fever. But eventually i felt better so i stayed on till the end.

Wanted to type in chinese but something is wrong with it, it doesn't present any option of characters. Too bad for me.

Anyhow, i had a random thought of wouldn't it be nice that we can all start over again? Able to "erase" the past and start a whole new life, being able to be someone you always wanted yourself to be? Be in a place where nobody knows you, so that even you make a mistake you've made a million time, nobody will blame it on you? Because it is the "first" time you made it. And you get a different kind of treatment from those who had witness you doing that mistake over and over again. With that kind of treatment, you are motivated to change your mistake because you want that kind of tender to always remain.

When it became a kind of habit to think being unsuccessful is so normal because your friends and family had never thought you would go far. When you finally did it, they give you no encouragement, instead, they say "This is the first time, let's see if you can go further." Yes this can be a kind of encouragement, but don't you agree that this sentence convey a different message that says you are not convinced that i would put that much effort?

Because they have seen your past and that mindset had already found a holding place somewhere in their head. So when you do something similar to the previous incident, it immediately activate that perceptive that registered earlier on. Then again, as much explanations changes nothing.

Sadly to say, all this unpleasantness falls on all mankind. Me and you.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU FARZANA!!!

We could have lunch together but you can't make it today. But that's alright, there'll be other time again.

I was never one of those who get awards for studies because i hate studying. Until i was accepted into BBSS and i studied real hard. Got scholarship for tremendous improvement for sec 3. Mum and brother said that the ceremony was boring. They said they will be really happy and will anticipate when i wear the suit. Fine, how that I'm going to wear it. Where are you? Why ain't you there to praise me and be glad for me? Why are all your response so cold? Why do you find it a chore to take half day off to see me going up the stage to get the award? All of you ain't some business man/women that earn big bucks in a minute or something. Is it that difficult to witness this moments with me and ad knowledge my effort? I feel that i am not appreciated for all the efforts and sacrifices i made. Why is it so difficult to get your attention?

Oh dear, I miss you my laptop. I'm using the laptop now cos my need to use the apple com. So he is in my room now and that actually means that i can't sleep cos the light is on and he types rather loudly. Haha.

Anyway, treated my dad and family to yam cha today and i felt a little heartache cos it costed me $75!! O H M Y G O D!!! Claudia ordered the most expensive dish which cost $16. It's Salad prawn and i bet she is only ordering that cos its prawn and it comes with salad sauce. She have totally no idea the the prawn that they are gonna serve is no ordinary prawn. (Stabs in the heart).

So i have to start saving my remaindings now cos my next pay day is on the 1st of next month. KILL ME PLEASE!!! So i guess i'm just down with maggie and white rice again. Sigh!! But that's alright!! My next pay will be a BIG FAT PAY!! I've calculated over and over again from the 1st of this month till next fri. I'll have 377 to put in my pocket. I sincerely wish that we hit target, so that my pay will increase. Hee. Very money minded i know but i owe alot of people money. So must earn money to return money. Understand? Hee.

Time is running out.

Labels: see you again

I am just going to say the same thing again which is i'm so ultra tired. My leg's aching like shit. Like, REALLY tired? I've calculated that accumulating all the minutes and seconds i've sat down today. It's less than half an hour. And mind you, i'm working full shift today. KILL ME PLEASE. But well, i don't dislike the job, i just dislike the fact that i was standing for so long. I mean, i can actually sit down but i chose to stand and fold clothes. HAHA. Stupid me i know. Towards the end of my shift, i was really tired til i wasn't even in the mood to serve anymore. I just want to fold clothes and not make any conversation to anyone. If you understand what i mean.

Anyway, June and Celeste was being a nice friend as they should, to buy macs for me. Freaking hell, i was craving for Macs from monday. Hahah. You think that macs' everywhere? No. At lease none to where i'm working. haha. I am so tired i swear. I loathe working in Cine or in town.

I saw this girl whom i thought it was you. Once again all the memories came pouring back. Oh dear, what's going on and what does it says?

Labels: Who are my true friends?

Dear god, save me!! I'm ultra tired. Intended to get my 10 hours of sleep but i only got it at 8. Why? Cos my brother REFUSE to pick the the phone and it woke me up cos it's so noisy. Fine, i picked it up and it was my mum. But i was too beat to float any excitement to my mouth. She talked and asked some really stupid questions and i can't help but want to put the phone down. But i didn't of cos. And due to that phone call, i can't go back to sleep so i toss and turn all the way till it was almost 1. I wish i could sleep mor but no, alarm clock doesn't show mercy.

And so, i will finnish typing whatever i want to type, bath, watch my 9 o clock show and dash to bed immediately. I swear i will swollow pills if i can't get to sleep later. Cos i'm work 11 hours tmr in cine. It can be VERY tiring. Hee.

Tattoo tattoo. I'm gonna get you soon. =)))

Labels: Where are you?

Oh man. Let's share the good news.

＊ ＳTＡCEＹ❤芊 - 我❤小鬼 ＊ says: (PM 10:08)
i am coming back on 13th
＊ ＳTＡCEＹ❤芊 - 我❤小鬼 ＊ says: (PM 10:08)
get ready!

OH MAN!!!! I'M SO SO EXCITED FOR IT PLEASE. YAY YAY YAY! hee

Anyway, i forgot to bring book today so i had nothing to do in the shop. I folded the clothes, sing along with the radio yada yada. So i was down to zhi pai. CMI please. haha. Was too bored of taking pictures so i drew my tattoo. I redraw it alot of time okayy. haha. Vivian and Denise came to my shop and we talked. Whoa, my most enjoyable moment in the shop. Haha. They decided to leave 10 minutes before i end work *&%*$%. Joined them again while waiting for June and Celeste. Had Laksa for dinner and walked around after Vivian and Denise went off. Sat at Coffee Bean and talk. Home after that.

I swear i'm damn tired. I am going to sleep already. I'm going to have my 10 hours of sleep. I'm cool. hee

I've come to realise that you are just the same.

Labels: Count down of 12 days.

Nicole Christine Au
Eleven December 1987
Hongkonger