K f: NICOLE IF YOU'RE READING THIS, I GET IT IF YOU TAKE ONE OF THE GIRLS I LIKED BEFORE. ITS USUAL. I MEAN IT ALWAYS HAPPENS. I DONT GET WHY ARE YOU SO FUCKING ADAMANT IN NOT TALKIN TO ME? I BLOGGED THAT I DONT WANT TO TALK TO YOU EVER AND TODAY I FUCKING LAID DOWN MY PRIDE TO TALK TO YOU. HAVE YOU THOUGHT ABT IT!? IT WAS BECAUSE I KNEW THAT URE GG PLAY TMR, AND I DIDNT WANT YOU TO FEEL AWKWARD.

K f: BUT HERE YOU ARE, TRYING TO BE A FUCKING BITCH NY NOT REPLYIN YR OWN FUCKING MSN MSGES. I NEVER, I EMPHASIZE I NEVER LAID DOWN MY PRIDE FOR ANYONE. AND YOU ARE THE FIRST. I KNOW YOU DONT TREAT ME AS A FRIEND ANYMORE AND YES IM HURT BY THAT FACT. THE FACT THAT YOU CAN LET ME GO. NO MATTER HOW MUCH I SAID ON MY FUCKING BLOG THAT I DONT WANT YOU T TALK TO ME

K f: YOU KNOW VERY WELL THAT DEEP DOWN I STILL WANT YOU TO. IF YOU DONT THEN I DONT KNOW OUR LABEL AS BEST FRIENDS MAN. I KNOW YOUR FUCKING DISAPPOINTED IN ME. BUT HEY, I LEARNT MY LESSONS MAN. AND IF URE PUNISHNING ME THEN LET ME TELL YOU, URE DOING A DAMN GD JOB. EVERYONE ASSURES ME THAT U WILL FUCKING TALK TO ME COS U TREASURE ME AS A FRIEND!?

K f: OH, AND EVERYTIME THEY ASKED WHET URE TALKIN T ME ALR ILL SAY NO AND THEY ARE SHOCKED AT THE FACT THAT URE NOT. SO WHATS THE MATTER MAN? IF YOU REALLY HATE ME TO BE YR FRIEND, AT LEAST TELL ME AND NOT LEAVE ME HANGING IN MIDST AIR. AT LEAST I WILL STOP THINKING OF WAYS AND MEANS TO TRY TO TALK TO YOU BUT I DONT DARE.

K f: I KNOW ALL THESE SHIT WAS CAUSE I WAS IN THE FUCKING WRONG. BUT EXCUSE ME, IT HURTS ME AS MUCH AS IT HURTS YOU. IF YOU DIDNT KNOW I CRY EVERYNIGHT. OH, YOU MIGHT BE THINKING NO FUCKING BIG DEAL MAN, YOU DESERVE IT. IF URE THINKING THIS WAY THEN I DONT KNOW WHAT T SAY ANYMORE.

K f: COS NOW. I DONT KNOW WHAT AM I TO YOU. EVERYTIME WHEN ELLE SAYS SHE MISSES YOU ILL FEEL THE FUCKING ACHE IN MY HEART. DO YOU EVEN KNO THAT?! THAT LITTLE THINGS REMIND ME OF YOU. ALMOST EVERY SINGLE FUCKING THING. EVERYTIME WHEN THE REST SAYS THEY WANT TO MEET UP WITH YOU. ILL TELL THEM TO TELL ME WHEN ARE THEY GONNA MEET UP WITH YOU BECAUSE I DONT WANT YOU TO SEE ME. IM DOING YOU A FAVOUR FOR YOU

K f: BY NOT LETTING YOU SEE ME. EVERYTHING IS NOT GONNA TIDE OVER IF THIS CONTINUES. SO ARE YOU TRYING TO HINT THAT BY THE TIME I GET MARRIED WE'LL STILL BE STRANGERS!? THIS INCIDENT ALR LEFT A SCAR. WHEN I READ YR BLOG POST IN RED, THE ONE THAT ASK ME NOT T TALK T YOU, DO YKNO THAT THAT MADE ME CRY TONS. YOU ASK AME AND ZAN.

K f: EVERYTIME I TALK T AME IS YOU. EVERYTIME AME ASSURE ME THAT ULL TALK T ME, ILL TRUST HER. I SEE HOPE

K f: BUT WHEN I TALK T YOU LIKE NOW, I LOSE ALL HOPE. ITS LIKE I CANT BELIEVE WHAT AME SAY ANYMORE. THTS WHY I DONT TALK TO AME ABT YOU ANYMORE COS I DONT WANT T BE MORE DISAPPOINTED. EVERYDAY I SEE YOU ONLINE, I CLICK YOU BUT I DONT TALK T YOU

K f: I TYPE I MISS YOU I LOVE YOU BUT I DONT SEND THEM TO YOU. BECAUSE I DONT WANT TO KNOW THE REPLIES OR MORE LIKE NO REPLIES. I GO TO YOUR BLOG, I SEE PPL TAGGING. I WANNA TAG TOO. I WANNA SAY NICE LAYOUT TOO. I WANNA SAY DONT BE LAME IN YR BLOGSKIN. I WANNA SAY SO MANY THINGS TO YOU RATHER THAN THIS.

K f: I THOUGHT I WAS THE UNFORGETTABLE IN YOUR LIFE, BUT I WAS PROVEN WRONG. WHEN I WENT OVER TO KAREN'S ELLE WAS LIKE WE SHLD MEET UP WITH NIC SOON AND I JUST NODDED. SHE SAY SHE MISS YOU, AND I WHISPERED I MISS HER TOO. THEN MY MOOD CHANGES COS ILL BE THINKING ABT YOU. WHEN I READ YOUR BLOG THAT YOU'RE TIRED BEC OF TRNGS AND WORK I WANNA SAY DONT GIVE UP

K f: I WANNA CHEER U ON AND SAY "GOOD LUCK FOR YOUR MATCH" I WANNA TELL YOU THAT I STILL PREFER THE WHEN DARKNESS TURNS TO LIGHT LAYOUT. BUT I KNOW THAT DIDNT MATTERED. THEN I SEE MY PHOTOS. AND I REALISED I DONT HAVE MUCH PHOTOS WITH YOU. I WANNA BLOG ABT YOU JUS YOU AND SAY HOW MUCH THIS HAS BEEN A FUCKING TORTURE. HOW THIS IS PULLING ME DOWN.

K f: THEN WHEN I GO TOWN, ILL LOOK OVER TO STARBUCKS, HOPING THAT ULL BE THERE SO AT LEAST I CAN CATCH A GLIMPSE OF YOU. I TOOK FUCKING ADVANTAGE OF ALL OF YOU. HOW I THOUGHT U GUYS WILL COME BACK TO ME IF I FUCKING LEAVE.

K f: I HAVE TO LET YOU KNOW THAT IM NOT AS GOOD AS YOU THINK

K f: IM NOT UP TO ANYONE'S EXPECTATIONS, IM A FUCKING LIAR. I FUCKIN LIE A LOT.

K f: I WANNA AVOID TOWN ON SAT BEC I DONT WANNA SEE YOU, COS I DONT WANT TO BE A CRY BABY IN THE MIDDLE OF TOWN. I DONT WANT TO SEE YOU AND NOT ACKNOWLEDGE YOU. I DONT WANT TO FEEL THE HEARTACHE, LIFE SEEMS FINE FOR ME. BUT DO YOU THINK IT REALLY IS? YOU KNOW THAT I HIDE BEST AND ILL LET IT ALL OUT AT NIGHT. I CRY TILL MY EYES ARE PUFFY JUST FOR YOU. I CRY MORE FOR YOU THAN N.

K f: COS FRIENDS ARE FOREVER, AND YOU ARE FOREVER WHEREAS IM NOT.

AUZZIE f: NICOLE IF YOU'RE READING THIS, I GET IT IF YOU TAKE ONE OF THE GIRLS I LIKED BEFORE. ITS USUAL. I MEAN IT ALWAYS HAPPENS. <-- fuck you Then she said something like she is disappointed that i actually believe what she said. Meaning that she is disappointed that i actually believe it when she said "I GET IT IF YOU TAKE ONE OF THE GIRLS I LIKED BEFORE. ITS USUAL. I MEAN IT ALWAYS HAPPENS." So when you tell people that i ask you to fuck off, please tell them the reason why too. Now don't tell me that you don't know this words hurts. Lim karmun. this is the second time that you are saying things like this. I dont know who are you refering to this time but most probably faynat again. You know what? i think this is all so fucking lame. If people like gaya and ame can understand that i SO DID NOT LIKE YOUR EX GIRLFRIEND OR PEOPLE WHO YOU LIKED ON PURPOSE , why can't you understand that too. Call yourself my best friend. I see how that you know me so well? You are disappointed? What about me? what about you again and again saying this kind of thing about me? When we reconcile after our fist arguement. I've already told you no more this kind of nonsence from you. Now you want to bring this up again. You are not the only one who is hurting right now let me tell you this. I am not going out with ame they all because of you, i dont want to go out with them and you cannot come along, that is why i am not going out with them. I too avoided town on saturdays and stuff. If you say that you really know me, then i wonder why is it that up till now, you have yet figure out why am i not talking to you. Do you really think that it was only because of that stupid decision you made back then that i am not talking to you? Please, i am not that lame to punish myself just cos of that. I can't tell you what it is until that one fine day you are of a sound mind and is really willing to put down your pride and to admit to me already, then i'll talk to you. Right now, there is no way and no point telling you. Please, i am not trying to make you look bad, but think about it. I don't say it does not mean that i dont feel anything. You think that you are the only one who is suffering? Think again. You think when other people ask me about you, i dont feel sad? You think when i go to your blog i dont want to tag you and scold you cos your post pisses me off? Come on, think about me too. The fucking reason why i am not talking to you is because of you. But the reason why i can't tell you why am i not talkint to you, is ALSO YOU. Tell me, how comfortable and how happy can i get? You think that you are going through the worse, then think about me too!!! I understand that different people have different lavel of tolerance towards hurts and suferring. But i am just trying to tell you that i dont want you to think that you are only one. So think lim karmun, there ought to be things. And don't call me or talk to me to discuss about the things that might be the subject, i am taking it so seriously. So sorry but no friendly discussions. And i am going to warn you for the last time. You put me together with faynat again, this friendship is really off once and for all. AND THIS IS ALSO THE LAST TIME I AM TELLING YOU THIS, I DONT GOT TOGETHER WITH HOWIE, RACHEL KOH AND S JUST BECAUSE THEY ARE YOUR EX GIRLFRIEDN. YOU BETTER GET THIS RIGHT INTO YOUR HEAD. IN THE PAST WHEN I TALK ABOUT THIS TO YOU, YOU SHOWED ME THAT YOU UNDERSTAND, BUT I THOUGHT WRONG. YOU DONT ONLY THINK OF OTHER PEOPLE LIKE THIS, YOU ACTUALLY THOUGHT OF ME LIKE THIS ALSO. SHAME ON YOU LIM KARMUN. THAT THREE GIRLS ONLY HAPPENED TO BE YOUR EX GIRLFRIEND.

And if you are still thinking that faynat was in my house, i am sorry to say but you are really out of your mind.

P.S This is not all that i want to say. There is so much more but i can't.

If you think that i am being very harsh on the post. Sorry, but sorry that you don't understand.

Nicole Christine Au
Eleven December 1987
Hongkonger