This is going to be a long post as i am going to write out whatever i am feeling inside. I just feel that i need to vent it out somewhere and i don't want to use a pan and write it on an exercise book.

I am feeling very tired of myself. I know that there is plenty of things i need to change but i am not doing anything. I give in to myself too many times that many of times i don't know what the hell am i doing. I get pissed with myself. If i were not myself, i would be hate this person. I don't know what is wrong with me. I have been asking myself this question ever since primary school i guess but i have yet figure the answer out. Would it be because of the way my family moulded me to be? Or would it be my sensitivity that is eating me up?

I do things when i feel like it. Even sometimes i know that by doing so, i wil dissappoint certain people, cause myself into troubles. But i will never stop, then regret after doing so. Why do i always have to do things that will disappoint others? I have no idea why.

I like to be on my own, because it is only then that i can be myself. Not that i am not being myself, but sometimes, i am just acting the way i think people will like, and accept. Because i want people to like me. I want people to be my friend. So i a am always acting like a clown. So when sometimes when i get a little moody, people will start asking me if am i alright/fine.

Nicole Christine Au
Eleven December 1987
Hongkonger