Okayy. So i'm finally back at home, It is so true when they say "Nowhere is better than home". With the com, the televison, the bed and most of all, MY MUMMY!!!Hahaha. Sorry la, but i'm rather a mummy's girl. I don't like leaving my mum for too long. But i survived yesterday night!!

Not going to blog about the BBQ cos i am rather lazy to do so. hee. Wait till the farzana and aishah upload the photos then i will post it on my blog. Not like anyone's interested tho. opps


Vivian :

I am SO hungry please. Waiting for my mama to reach clementi so that we can have dinner cum supper together. I have been craving for Beef Hor Fun for the WHOLE week!!

Anyhow, Had friendly today, with CJ. Saw this girl but i can't remember her name. Phebe's friend.

Vivian!! You can send me songs by yousendit.com you know? hahha. But that's alright, i would rather you send it to on msn. hee

Class BBQ tmr!! DAMN FUN PLESAE!! Provided people who said that they will turn up will turn up and pay for it. hahaha.

Waking up early tmr. I should get to sleep real soon. Need to wake up early. HAHAHA. I have been sleeping at 3 plus and wake up at 2 plus 3. Very unhealthy. haha

Labels: I want to see you again

Vivian sent me this song and i have fallen into love it =)))

Way back into love

I've been living with a shadow overhead
I've been sleeping with a cloud above my bed
I've been lonely for so long
Trapped in the past
I just can't seem to move on

I've been hiding all my hopes and dreams away
Just in case i ever need them again someday
I've been setting aside time to clear a little space in the corners of my mind

All i wanna do is find a way back into love
I can't make through without a way back into love
oh

I've been watching but stars refuse to shine
I've been searching but i just don't see the signs
I know that it's out there
There's gotta be something for my soul somewhere

I've been looking for someone to shed some light
Not somebody just to get me through the night
I could use some directions and i'm open to your suggestions

All i wanna do is find a way back into love
I can't make through without a way back into love
And if i open my heart again
I guess i'm hoping that you'll be there for me in the end

oh oh oh

oh oh

oh oh

There are moments when i don't know if it's real
Or if anyone feels the way i feel
I need inspiration not just another negotiation

All i wanna do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
And if i open my heart to you i'm hoping you'll show me what to do
And if you'll help me to start again
You know that i'll be there for you in the end

oh...........................................

I really can't think of what to blog about. Or rather, don't really want to blog. My life is getting boring and suckier each day. And i dislike it.

Let me tell you what happened just now. I left house at like,6. Waited for the bus for like 20 minutes. Never mind. Usually the bus take 1 hour from my house to SRC. But just now? 1 hour and 40 minutes!!!! OH MY GOD!! When i reach there at 8, i was so embarrassed please. It is like, 1 hour gone already la. This wasn't the worse. The worse is that, it started raining 5 minutes after i reach. So i go down is for? don't know. So julia, cheng siang, meisi and i went for a run round the field. So shuang to run under the rain please. haha. Went for Suana and i feel that all the water in me is gone!! GONE!! hahaha. We were like gossiping inside like nobody's business please. hahaha. And the lady inside was like damn bu shuang la. hahha.

Went east coast for dinner just now, but instead of eating the food there. I ate lunchbox, prepared by my mother. Everyone was like, so jealous?? hahhaa. But not long later, i won't be able to eat her cooking for a very long time. Sigh.

Just wanna ask around if anybody's house is able to let me put in for half a year. I am only able to pay the rent of $100 per month cos my mum nor my dad will be able to pay for this. My mum have to sell the flat because the bank will be coming after her soon. Because of the failure of business many years ago and my uncle wasn't able to pay the debt. My mum was one of the shareholders, so they would come after her too. So everyone in the family have to stay seperately. My mum will be going back to hongkong, my brother will be staying in his camp and i was suggested to stay with my dad. But, i don't think my dad's wife would really like it. I don't know what to do. I don't want to leave my mum but i can't go to hongkong for half a year cos i have school to attend. What am i going to do? I am so dependant on my mum, how am i going to live without her? I am sad. I don't know how to discribe the feelings inside, i know that at this kind of time, i should stand strong and not cry like a little girl. But i cannot help it!!!!!

P.S If you happen to be someone who know my mother or know someone who is on talking term with my mum. Please don't mention anything. Cos afterall, this is family matter, my mum don't wish anyone to know. I am blogging it here is because i want to vent it out at somewhere. So please. Help me keep it as a secret!! Thank you

Labels: i need help

Yes, the judges is so noisy today. They were kind of like, going agasint each other quite sometime.

I stayed at home the whole day because i am having a whole body muscle ache. Just standing up from the floor is so tough. I need to lie flat, curl myself up, put my leg on the floor and UP i go. This is how i need to stand. Very tiring. haha.

Never go for traning today also. Crazy, i think i am going turn into a packet of fats. =((

Sorry karmun that i was't able to go visit you today. And it goes to sharon too, sorry i wasn't able to go support you

I LOVE YOU LOTS LOTS LOTS AUNTIE /SECRET KEEPER!! =))

Labels: muscle ache

How are you liking my new blogskin? I think it is quite nice but abit emo? hahaha.

Anyway, just came back from club training and i am VERY tired!! My leg's like, unmovable. Okayy, abit kua but it is almost there. Did duck walk (by limin) and Launches (by sharon) and many other stuffs too. Just tired la. You understand means you understand but if you don't understand than don't understand. Kkkkk.

Hair cutting wasn't bad. I think the hair is okayy. I think only. Cos apparently Julia said that it looked like bird nest. And i totally ignored her for one minute. Try that if you want me to ignore you. hahha. Crazy.

I realised that many to moving on other than me. Good or bad for me? I don't know. God will have an answer for this. Ask him then =))

Labels: Damn tired

So, i woke up late this morning. Was suppose to meet Angelina at 9 at KAP. But i was kind of late, but guess what? Angelina was in the same bus as me too but we won't know until we reach the busstop. SO!! Anyway, study was very fruitful? I understand Blood much more better now? All thanks to Angelina, really a good tutor. hee.

Anyway, met up with the rest in town to buy Zan's birthday cake and Card. Ask Zan what we've got for her. WOOHOO. Hot stuff. haha. Took neo prints and i made a ultra ugly and funny face. SO!! Damn ugly please. hahha.

Anyway, i mama's behind me trying to read what am i blogging about again. But i am not worried at all, cos she don't understand. OUCH!! She just pinch me and said that she understand a alittle bit. Hmmm, but no need to pinch all right? abcdefg

And oh yes, we ate steamboat just now? My god!! I feel like i am pregnant please. OH GOD!! ookokokk.

Cutting hair tmr. Hope it don't turn out bad cos apparently it cost only $8 and it is located at Bukit Merah. Don't sound very convincing but badget la. haha.

My uncle is at my house now and my mum just went into the room to disturb him. So annoying. Poor uncle. =((

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ZANETA CHER!!!!

Labels: happy birthday zan

I CANNOT GO ONLINE BECAUSE MSN IS BEING A BITCH. SO I AM PISSINGLY PISSED.

TO MSN
I DON'T KNOW WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME. NOT LIKE I BETRAYED YOU OR SOMETHING, I DON'T EVEN HAVE A YAHOO ACCOUNT AND NEITHER DO I CHAT ON IRC. SO ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME? I REALLY WANT TO KNOW WHY. WE HAVE BEEN BEST FRIEND FOR THE PAST 3 YEARS!! SO JUST BECAUSE I NEVER COME ONLINE FOR THE TWO DAYS THEN NOW YOU WANT TO IGNORE ME AND OBSTRUCT ME FROM LOGGING IN? I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS. I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT OUR FRIENDSHIP IS BASE ON THE DAYS OF COMING ONLINE.

AND WHAT DISAPPOINT ME THE MOST IS THAT YOU ALLOWED SANDY TO SIGN IN JUST NOW. I WOULDN'T KNOW ALL THIS IF I NEVER CALL SANDY JUST NOW. CALL YOURSELF THE CONNECTER OF THE WORLD. MY ASS. YOU DON'T EVEN ALLOW ME TO TALK TO MY FRIENDS IN SINGAPORE OR EVEN CLEMENTI. SO I SEE THAT YOU HAVE SANDY AS YOUR NEW FRIEND NOW, FINE. GO AHEAD.

I AM SO UPSET. I TREATED YOU AS MY BEST FRIEND ALL THIS YEARS. I UPGRADE YOU WHENEVER I CAN, BEING PROUD OF YOU EVEN WHEN ALL YOU CAN GIVE ME WAS VERSION 5.2 WHEN EVERYONE IS USING 7.5. I WAS NEVER ASHAME OF YOU. BECAUSE YOU ARE MY BEST FRIEND. BUT SORRY. I AM GOING TO BREAK FIRENDSHIP WITH YOU NOW. YOU ARE NO LONGER MY FRIEND. SO NOW, WE ARE ONLY USER AND I-FORGOT-WHAT'S-THAT-CALED. SO YOU BETTER DO YOUR JOB NOW.

Labels: Disappointment

Alright, just a quick recap on what had happened to me for the pass few days.

Tuesday
Let me think. I went school for my BIO exam. Never have i felt so confident before and this is my first time. Damn confident that i will fail please. But no worries, holiday is my mugging day . Nice huh? haha. Anyhow, went home to change and went town to meet Limkarmun, ame, zan, santhi and mel. Gaya appeared later. Had dinner and head down to Harbour Front. St James wasn't bad actually. I mean, just like any other parties, nothing specifically special. haha.

Wednesday
Concert in church, went for steamboat after that. Very Bao please. haha. But the soup was superb. Pictures in Claire's blog. Provided she uploaded it already. Stayover at Hannah's place. Talked and laughed. Oh god. Slept only at 6.

Today
Woke up at 12 plus 1. Came home. Wanted to like, slack at home like nobody's business. But Jamie asked me out. So i went, walked round Vivo like it is not tiring at all. haha. Went to the open space upstairs after dinner. Had a superstar photo taking session. Oh god, it is tiring to be a model please. hahaha.

And now, i have to say that i am freaking tired. OH god. i am going to sleep until damn later tmr. I doubt i will bath today cos i am just too tired to. haha. Opps. No big deal okayy. hahha

Labels: tired

OH MY OH MY OH MY!! HOLIDAY STARTS LIKE, TODAY??? OH GOD!! I can't express the joy in me for this holiday but yeah. Just be glad for me. =)) Holiday from today onwards till all the way to 15th April. Yes, i hear you saying "WAH!!" Hee. But we totally deserve this. After 2 month plus of Biology and all the stress the teacher has been putting unto your shoulder, we definately deserve this one month holiday. WWWEEEEEEE

Anyhow, i just want to blog about some annoying people in my class. I was so pissed off just now that i can feel tears streaming in my eyes. This is what happened. Two weeks ago Charlene and i planned to have a class BBQ during the holidays. So when the first time when we annouced this news to the class. Majority of them say that they will be going. Except for some who wants to be an ass and not want to go just because it is not "their thing". Alright, go ahead and isolate yourself. I don't want to spend my saliva on you. So last friday we have already brief the class that they are suppose to bring $5 each on Tuesday (which is today) for the BBQ. Then out of a sudden, a few lesser than half of the class says that they are not sure if they are coming and all. I mean, hello, I asked everyone of you if anyone will not be turning up at all and i only see 6 hands. And out of a sudden i heard from like 25 people say that they cannot make it and not sure? I mean, HELLO!! Would you please make up your mind like now? Okayy. I know you can like, always come on the day itself and pay on that day but that is not my concern. My concern is, WHY CAN'T YOU MAKE UP YOUR MIND? DO YOU NEED WAIT FOR YOUR FRIEND TO SHIT THEN YOU GO AND SHIT? I mean, somethings in life i am sure that you can make decision on your own right? So annoying please. And we have people not wanting to come because they are not sure if they have anything on that day. OH MY GOD!! For goodness sake, this is a class gathering. We have been talking about it for the past two week. Over and over again, we have been reminding all of you to make yourself free on 28th-29th. You guys said ok, but now? What kind of shit are they giving me? I was so pissed off just now please.

Alright, i shall stop bitching about them already. I should be loving to my classmates. (I try)

Labels: come please

Yes!! Nicole is VERY glad to be home! I have been staying at my dad's since friday. Rather boring there please. haha. No computer, deserted and most importantly, an ULTRA ANNOYING Claudia. OMG!! She could be the most irritating thing on earth i swear. I know i have said it a thousand million times but i am going to say the thousand million and one time.

She is one typical bimbo bitchy wannabe please. Mind you, she's the CMI kind? Her LOVES pink, all she watches is Nicklelodeon, Cartoon Network and Disney Channel. I don't understand why but she must look at you when you brushes your teeth and wash your face. When i sleep before my dad comes home, she will keep barking you to stay awake until dad comes home. So when i ask her why must i stay awake, her answer is "I don't know" -followed by a few giggles- Apparently she think that she is very cute.

And she ask the stupidest question on earth. Apparently too many questions to racall. But it is definately the STUPIDEST question on earth.

Anyhow, i shall not waste anymore time blogging about her. Tommorow's Bio exam. Alot of studying i am doing? I can fail. Or rather, WILL fail. So i better stop blogging now and get down to business. (studies).

CONNECT -DAY 1 -remember to read connect-

Labels: Burnt

Alright people, i have to apologise cos i wouldn't be coming online at all for the whole of this week until next wednesday. Cos people here rather need to study ah. Exam is like this Friday and next Wednesday. Please pray for me that i will do well for my Bio exam. If not i would have to repeat Bio 1.1 again together with 1.2. Meaning i have two to handle. Please ah, i don't want to die at such a young age. =((

Anyhow, For the convenient sake of people who wants to contact me. Good news for you. My house line is now open. I have switched my house phone to ringing mode. So if you have anything important to look for me, feel free to call me. People who doesn't have my number, get it from someone who has it. Thank you

One last thing to annouce, DO NOT CALL ME IF IT IS NOT IMPORTANT. Cos i need to study and i need full concentration. Thank you for your co-operation.

Labels: I dislike the inventer of EXAM

Wah, once again, i changed my blogskin on my own. WOOHOO. hee

Biathlon was alright today. Just VERY tired and my banging inside.

Went Yam cha with dad after that. Came home after that. Still wuite hungry eh. hahaha.

I am going off to study now. Still got PIE project haven do yet la.

Alright, ignore yesterday's post. I was just being emo. And i felt asleep half way blogging so that explains my short post.

Anyhow, churched today. Was suppose to meet Sandy in the moring to study but nuts went into my brain. I seriously doubt i can pass my exam. HOW?? Exam is next week and i am still a bio idiot. I AM ABOUT TO DIE!!! Cannot, i must LOVE bio to study them. It helps. This is how i get myself to love math.

Anyway, i think i am loving god more and more once again. I start to see the different in me. Not a very obvious one tho. But i can feel it. I was touched once again today.

Today's surmon was about being Covetousness. Talking about people who is rich and with authorities themselve, yet not satisfied with what they have. So they misuse their money and autorities to do dirty things like cheating other people to have their property to themselve. To this, GOD said

" I am planning disaster against this people, from which you cannot save yourselves. You will no longer walk proudly, for it will be a time of calamity" MICAH 2:3

I think it gets really scary when GOD himself says that he is planning disaster against you. Because i believe many have heard this before that "When GOD is for us, who can be against us". Meaning there is NOTHING at all that can be against us when GOD is for us. So now can you imagine when GOD is planning a disaster against you? Meaning there is NOTHING you can do. Noone can help you. So the least that you can do is to wait and die. Isn't that scary?

I don't know how to end this post. Other than, Be a good child of GOD. For GOD blesses you with many thing that you can ever imagine.

Labels: Be a good christian

This is going to be a long post as i am going to write out whatever i am feeling inside. I just feel that i need to vent it out somewhere and i don't want to use a pan and write it on an exercise book.

I am feeling very tired of myself. I know that there is plenty of things i need to change but i am not doing anything. I give in to myself too many times that many of times i don't know what the hell am i doing. I get pissed with myself. If i were not myself, i would be hate this person. I don't know what is wrong with me. I have been asking myself this question ever since primary school i guess but i have yet figure the answer out. Would it be because of the way my family moulded me to be? Or would it be my sensitivity that is eating me up?

I do things when i feel like it. Even sometimes i know that by doing so, i wil dissappoint certain people, cause myself into troubles. But i will never stop, then regret after doing so. Why do i always have to do things that will disappoint others? I have no idea why.

I like to be on my own, because it is only then that i can be myself. Not that i am not being myself, but sometimes, i am just acting the way i think people will like, and accept. Because i want people to like me. I want people to be my friend. So i a am always acting like a clown. So when sometimes when i get a little moody, people will start asking me if am i alright/fine.

I PASSED!! hee. There's retest this afternoon and i PASSED!! Okayy. No need to be all so happy also. Cos it is actually a very easy phase test, just that i was nervous and all. Thank god i didn't get Mr Raj again. Hahaha.

Anyhow, Charlene was very nice to stay back with me till so late and missing one hour of Bio to practise with me. Thanks!!

Biathlon is on Sunday and i have yet practise. Whoa.

CHURCH TMR!! WAITING WAITING!! =))

I WANT TO SAY

THANK GOD FOR STEPH AND THANK GOD FOR FARZANA =))

Nicole Christine Au
Eleven December 1987
Hongkonger