i am sorry but i BEG you to let me off. Stop asking me what happened to me and why am i crying. because i am crying for you. i dont like everything that is happening in this family and i cant stand the way you two quarrel. that is why i am upset about. and i dont wnat to talk about it anymore so stop asking me why mum. just stop. the more you ask, you are just going to upset me. and i dont wnat to talk to you about this thing again because i know you wouldnt listen and we will just end up quarreling. which is what i dont want. i am very very sick and tired to quarrel with you about theis voluntary work thing already. i made you happy by going back since you yearn for me to go back. now that brother doesnt likes it, then you should listen to what he has to say and try to understand. and not shouting back and everything. it is not that we dont want you to go, it is just that we dont like it when you do it almost everyday. you dont mind cancelling our dinner jsut to meet another person fromt he voluntary work place. we understand that this is paer of the job, but cant you spare a thought for us too? that we are hurt when you do this to us? now you are the one who dont want to listen, not us. SO FUCKING STOP SHOUTING AND SAYING THAT WE DONT GIVE IN. IT IS THAT WE GAVE IN TOO MUCH THAT WE LOST YOU. IF YOU HAD REALLY SPARE A THOUGHT FOR US, YOU WOULD HAVE LOOKED FOR A STABLE JOB. DO WHAT YOU ARE SUPPOSE TO DO. THINK BACK, WHEN IS THE LAST TIME WE REALLY SIT DOWN AND TALK OVER DINNER? WHEN IS THE LAST TIME YOU COOKED? WHEN IS THE LAST TIME YOU ASKED ME HOW IS LIFE? EVEN DAYS LIKE CHRISTMAS, I HAVE TO SPEND IT ALONE AT HOME. NEW YEAR? I DONT HAVE A FAMILY TO CELEBRATE OR TO SPEND IT WITH. SAY I'M ALWAYS OUT? WHEN ARE YOU EVEN HOME? AND EVEN WHEN YOU ARE HOME. YOU DONT EVEN TALK TO ME OR BROTHER, YOU WILL BE BUSY TALKING ON THE PHONE . NOW LOOK, IT IS NOT THAT WE DONT WANT YOU TO DO AT ALL, JUST NOT TO THE EXTREME. YOU DONT LIKE ME TALKING TO YOU ABOUT CHRISTIANITY THEN DONT TALK TO ME ABOUT BUDDISTSM. FAIR AND SQAURE. AND WHEN WE TALK TO YOU, I HOPE YOU JUST TALK TO US AS A MOTHER, AND NOT A MEMBER FROM THE VOLUNTARY WORK. IF YOU FIND IT A CHORE TO COOK FOR US, THEN DONT COOK. AND NOW, DONT COOK JUST TO SHUT OUR MOUTH. I DONT MIND EATING MAGGIE EVERYDAY SINCE I HAVE BEEN DONG THAT AND I'M PRETTY USED TO IT. AND NOW, DONT TELL US THAT YOU WILL QUIT JSUT BECAUSE WE COMPLAINED ABOUT IT COS WE KNOW THAT YOU ARE STILL GOING TO GO BACK. ALL WE WANT, IS FOR YOU TO STOP TALKING ABOOUT TZU CHI ALL THE TIME. EVERY CONVERSATION WE HAVE WITH YOU WILL END UP TALKING ABOUT TZU CHI IN THE END. YOU WILL SOMEHOW LINK IT BACK. I DONT UNDERSTAND WHY. WHY CAN'T WE TALK AS PER NORMAL AND NOT SO FORMAL AND USING ALL THE TERMS? IT IS VERY IRRITAING TO ME. I DON'T MIND YOU SAYING IT ONCE OR TWICE OR SOMETIME BUT NOT ALL THE TIME. WHAT BROTHER SAID IS RIGHT, YOU ARE NOT A NUN, SO DON'T ACT AND DO LIKE A NUN. YOU STILL HAVE A FAMILY. LET US FEEL THAT WE ARE AT HOME WHEN WE ARE AT HOME, DONT TALK TO US LIKE AS THOUGH WE ARE IN THE VOLUNTARY WORK PLACE. I FEEL VERY STRESSED UP. I DONT WANT YOU TO FORCE THIS KIND OF LIVING INTO MY LIFESTYLE. I DONT LIKE IT. I BLOODY HATE IT WHEN YOU DO THIS TO ME. YOU DONT LIKE IT WHENI ASK YOU THINGS WHEN YOU DONT LIKE TO SAY? THEN DONT DO THIS TO ME. AND WHEN YOU TELL ME ALL THOSE THINGS ABOUT HOW YOU HAVE TO EXPLAIN TO PEOPLE AND STUFF. IT SERIOUSLY IRRITATE THE SHIT OUT OF ME. YA, WE ARE SELFISH PEOPLE. SO SELFISH THAT WE GAVE MOTHER TO OTHER PEOPLE. AH, FUCK IT LA.

Labels: we are always wrong

Nicole Christine Au
Eleven December 1987
Hongkonger